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As singles in Christ, we must combat the lies the world tells us about our single state. June Hunt, founder of “Hope for the Heart” gives a list of common lies singles believe and confronts them with the truth of God’s Word.
1. Lies about Identity – “I’m nobody’s wife, I’m nobody’s mother, I have no purpose.”
Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
2. Lies about Loneliness – “I need someone to share my life. I feel so alone.”
Hebrews 13:5 – “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’”
3. Lies about Rejection – “I am not wanted. I must not be lovable.”
1 John 3:1 – “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”
4. Lies about Fear – “I will be all alone when I am old.”
Isaiah 41:10 – “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
5. Bitter Lies – “I am not receiving the best in life. God must be punishing me.”
Psalm 84:11 – “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”
6. Lies about Sexuality – “A sexual relationship is the only means to intimacy. I don’t know what to do with my sexual desires.”
Romans 12:1 – “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”
7. Lies about Maturity – “Since God uses the family to build character, I will never become mature if I remain unmarried.”
Philippians 1:6 – “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
1. Lies about Identity – “I’m nobody’s wife, I’m nobody’s mother, I have no purpose.”
Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
2. Lies about Loneliness – “I need someone to share my life. I feel so alone.”
Hebrews 13:5 – “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’”
3. Lies about Rejection – “I am not wanted. I must not be lovable.”
1 John 3:1 – “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”
4. Lies about Fear – “I will be all alone when I am old.”
Isaiah 41:10 – “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
5. Bitter Lies – “I am not receiving the best in life. God must be punishing me.”
Psalm 84:11 – “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”
6. Lies about Sexuality – “A sexual relationship is the only means to intimacy. I don’t know what to do with my sexual desires.”
Romans 12:1 – “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”
7. Lies about Maturity – “Since God uses the family to build character, I will never become mature if I remain unmarried.”
Philippians 1:6 – “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
“For a long time I thought of Psalm 37:4 as the single person’s verse of hope. How many times have we heard this verse quoted to or by a single person and interpreted as, ‘If I just get close to God, then he’ll give me what I really want – a husband!’
We might think that if we give God our obedience and interest and compliments, we can get what we want from him in return.
But delighting in God is not a way to get what we want from him. This is manipulation and bribery. Genuine delight has no ulterior motive, no additional demands.
If we see this verse as a formula for getting what we want from God, we’re settling for much less than what God is offering. God wants to change what we want. He wants to free us from the slavery of wanting what will never completely satisfy us. He wants to give us what he knows will completely satisfy us forever: himself.”
- Nancy Guthrie
We might think that if we give God our obedience and interest and compliments, we can get what we want from him in return.
But delighting in God is not a way to get what we want from him. This is manipulation and bribery. Genuine delight has no ulterior motive, no additional demands.
If we see this verse as a formula for getting what we want from God, we’re settling for much less than what God is offering. God wants to change what we want. He wants to free us from the slavery of wanting what will never completely satisfy us. He wants to give us what he knows will completely satisfy us forever: himself.”
- Nancy Guthrie
"Are you making the most of your days? Someone may say, 'Well, I don't really want to be single. I was hoping to be married by this time.'
I understand. But are you making the most of your singleness in the meantime? Are all of us making the most of every opportunity for God's glory?"
- Alistair Begg
I understand. But are you making the most of your singleness in the meantime? Are all of us making the most of every opportunity for God's glory?"
- Alistair Begg
“Christianity’s founder, Jesus Christ, and leading theologian, St. Paul, were both single their entire lives. Single adults cannot be seen as somehow less fully formed or realized human beings than married persons because Jesus Christ, a single man, was the perfect man (Hebrews 4:15; 1 Peter 2:22).”
- Tim Keller
- Tim Keller
“Womanhood is a call. It is a vocation to which we respond under God, glad if it means the literal bearing of children, thankful as well for all that it means in a much wider sense, that in which every woman, married or single, fruitful orbarren, may participate – the unconditional response exemplified for all time in Mary the virgin, and the willingness to enter into suffering, to receive, to carry, to give life, to nurture and to care for others. The strength to answer this call is given us as we look up toward the Love that created us, remembering that it was that Love that first, most literally, imagined sexuality, that made us at the very beginning real men and real women.”
- Elisabeth Elliot, from her book “Let Me Be a Woman”
- Elisabeth Elliot, from her book “Let Me Be a Woman”
“Satan convinced Eve to believe that God wanted to restrain her from developing her potential – her godhood, if you will. Eve believed the lie.
Today, Satan uses similar strategies to dissatisfy us with God’s will. The single girl seeking a mate asks, ‘How can God be good? If He were, He’d bring me companionship. Doesn’t He know how lonely I am?’
Let’s return to the story in the garden of Eden. Notice how Satan focused on a restriction and used it to blind Eve to God’s blessing. Yes, there was one tree she could not enjoy, but presumably there were hundreds she could. Did Satan point out the many trees she was permitted to eat from? Hardly. He focused on one negative, and Eve forgot God’s generosity and grace. So it is today. Satan will urge you to focus on one issue, one aggravation, one restriction.
So, I must ask, do you doubt God’s goodness? Are you fully prepared to agree that His will is perfect and acceptable? If He denied you the pleasure of marriage, would you feel ripped-off?”
- Erwin Lutzer
Today, Satan uses similar strategies to dissatisfy us with God’s will. The single girl seeking a mate asks, ‘How can God be good? If He were, He’d bring me companionship. Doesn’t He know how lonely I am?’
Let’s return to the story in the garden of Eden. Notice how Satan focused on a restriction and used it to blind Eve to God’s blessing. Yes, there was one tree she could not enjoy, but presumably there were hundreds she could. Did Satan point out the many trees she was permitted to eat from? Hardly. He focused on one negative, and Eve forgot God’s generosity and grace. So it is today. Satan will urge you to focus on one issue, one aggravation, one restriction.
So, I must ask, do you doubt God’s goodness? Are you fully prepared to agree that His will is perfect and acceptable? If He denied you the pleasure of marriage, would you feel ripped-off?”
- Erwin Lutzer
“…Jesus is ‘the beauty of all things beautiful.’ When we Christians reflect that beauty by the way we think and act (or don’t act) upon bodily passions, the world takes notice. That is, the single person who waits for marriage to express his or her passion promotes the gospel, as does the married couple who so passionately love each other. The world notices these things. The world notices the pure girl who won’t. The world notices the Christian couple married for sixty years who still enjoy each other’s friendship…..Pure passion – held in check or rightly expressed – is a promotion of the passion of Jesus Christ…..it’s the gospel in its most tangible/touchable/visible form.”
- Douglas Sean O’Donnell
- Douglas Sean O’Donnell
“Some of you may never marry or you may be so far from it right now that it is not a helpful strategy to encourage you toward it. If that’s where you’re at, then the Bible has even better news for you! In Ephesians 5, Paul explains the nature and purpose of marriage. Toward the end of his teaching he boils down everything he’s written with a summary statement: “I am talking about Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32). In other words, everything the Bible says about marriage is not ultimately about marriage at all. God made marriage to point people to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Husbands and wives exist to reflect the saving purposes of Christ for his bride, the church. Marriage is an arrow that points to the reality of Christ’s love for the church. Marriage is a shadow whose substance is the saving purpose of Jesus.
This means that though you have legitimate, God-given sexual desires, you do not need marriage in any essential way. Marriage is wonderful, and it’s important. But the primary reason God created marriage is to picture for us the gospel of Jesus. If you see and grasp the target, you don’t need the arrow. If you have the substance, you don’t need the shadow.”
- Heath Lambert
This means that though you have legitimate, God-given sexual desires, you do not need marriage in any essential way. Marriage is wonderful, and it’s important. But the primary reason God created marriage is to picture for us the gospel of Jesus. If you see and grasp the target, you don’t need the arrow. If you have the substance, you don’t need the shadow.”
- Heath Lambert
“….a friend sent me a card with the following anonymous quote: Lord, I am willing to receive what You give, to lack what You withhold, to relinquish what You take, to suffer what You inflict, to be what You require……If you are single with no prospects of marriage, can you say, ‘Lord, I am willing to lack what You have withheld’?
I was almost thirty-four when I got married, so I know something of the loneliness of adult single life. And even after marriage I struggled with discontentment at our son’s soccer or basketball games because I was at least ten years older than the other parents around me…..I readily recognize that the circumstances I deal with are minor compared to what many believers experience. But I do want you to know that if you struggle with discontentment, I’m right there with you.
Whatever situation tempts us to be discontent, and however severe it may be, we need to recognize that discontentment is sin. That statement may surprise many readers. We are so used to responding to difficult circumstances with anxiety, frustration, or discontentment that we consider them normal reactions to the varying vicissitudes of life……When we fail to recognize these responses to our circumstances as sin, we are responding no differently from unbelievers who never factor God into their situations.”
- Jerry Bridges, from his book “Respectable Sins”
I was almost thirty-four when I got married, so I know something of the loneliness of adult single life. And even after marriage I struggled with discontentment at our son’s soccer or basketball games because I was at least ten years older than the other parents around me…..I readily recognize that the circumstances I deal with are minor compared to what many believers experience. But I do want you to know that if you struggle with discontentment, I’m right there with you.
Whatever situation tempts us to be discontent, and however severe it may be, we need to recognize that discontentment is sin. That statement may surprise many readers. We are so used to responding to difficult circumstances with anxiety, frustration, or discontentment that we consider them normal reactions to the varying vicissitudes of life……When we fail to recognize these responses to our circumstances as sin, we are responding no differently from unbelievers who never factor God into their situations.”
- Jerry Bridges, from his book “Respectable Sins”
“Singleness has been a noble and courageous path for ministry ever since Jesus and the Apostle Paul chose it ‘because of the kingdom of heaven.’ It is no sign of weakness to want to be married. It is normal, and it is good. The courage comes when you sense God calling you to singleness (for this chapter of your life) and you accept the call with zeal and creative planning for His glory.”
- John Piper
- John Piper
“If you’re single, live a cross centered life……May the reality of what God has done for you continue to be the most captivating thought in your mind…..and may the truth of Christ’s death for you always be the most precious treasure in your heart.”
- C.J. Mahaney
- C.J. Mahaney
“No matter whether you are single or married, your earthly marital status is not your primary identity.”
- Elyse Fitzpatrick
Indeed, our identity in Christ is our primary identity as Christians. It cannot be gained or lost by a change in marital status. Christ is the foundation that we can build our lives upon.
- Elyse Fitzpatrick
Indeed, our identity in Christ is our primary identity as Christians. It cannot be gained or lost by a change in marital status. Christ is the foundation that we can build our lives upon.
“A single Christian woman is to live her life in a way that reflects her complete dedication to God. As one who is unmarried, she has the privilege of undistracted service to God and caring the ‘the things of the Lord’ (1 Corinthians 7:34). Every day a woman is single is another glorious day to serve God wholeheartedly and without distraction. Her singleness is her ‘green light’ from God to go all out in service to others.
Is singleness a reality for you today, dear woman of God? Although you may desire to be married, ‘let not your longing slay the appetite of your living….Accept and thank God for what is given, not allowing the not-given to spoil it’.
‘Miriam, what advice do you have for single women?’ Imagine an interviewer today asking this question of Miriam, one of God’s super-singles of yesterday.
Perhaps Miriam would simply say, ‘Devote yourself to ministry.’ Based on the Bible, Miriam appears to have viewed her singleness as an opportunity to give herself fully to ministry. As a result she blossomed into one of the Bible’s strongest female leaders (Micah 6:4).”
- Elizabeth George
Is singleness a reality for you today, dear woman of God? Although you may desire to be married, ‘let not your longing slay the appetite of your living….Accept and thank God for what is given, not allowing the not-given to spoil it’.
‘Miriam, what advice do you have for single women?’ Imagine an interviewer today asking this question of Miriam, one of God’s super-singles of yesterday.
Perhaps Miriam would simply say, ‘Devote yourself to ministry.’ Based on the Bible, Miriam appears to have viewed her singleness as an opportunity to give herself fully to ministry. As a result she blossomed into one of the Bible’s strongest female leaders (Micah 6:4).”
- Elizabeth George
“‘I mean, brethren, the appointed time has grown very short; from now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it.[The King James Version puts it better: "And they that use this world as not abusing it"] For the form of the world is passing away.’ (1 Corinthians 7:29-31 RSV)
Paul is saying here that single life makes it easier to maintain the proper priorities of life. These priorities apply to all, whether you are married or single, if you are Christian. You ought to face life differently as a Christian than you would as a non-Christian. You ought to see things differently; you ought to have different value standards. Whether you are married or single that should be true simply because you are a Christian. But there is the clear implication in all of this that it is easier to do that if you remain single.
‘Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not in the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.’ (1 John 2:15-17 KJV)
This is what Paul is calling us to. What are you living for? Surely it has got to be more than to have a pleasant home and a retirement plan and cram your sunset years with a few activities you were unable to get in before you die. Christians are not to live that way because they have opportunity for fulfillment far beyond this life. If you do not have time to get in all the pleasures and enjoyments here you will have lots of time beyond. That is what the apostle is saying. We do not have to try and cram it all into one brief episode. What awaits is so exceedingly fantastic and beyond description that to give oneself fully to the pursuit of the things of God here is a much wiser choice than to waste one's whole existence on secondary levels of activity and involvement. It is easier, he suggests, to do that if you remain single, and many people have made that choice.”
- Ray Stedman
Paul is saying here that single life makes it easier to maintain the proper priorities of life. These priorities apply to all, whether you are married or single, if you are Christian. You ought to face life differently as a Christian than you would as a non-Christian. You ought to see things differently; you ought to have different value standards. Whether you are married or single that should be true simply because you are a Christian. But there is the clear implication in all of this that it is easier to do that if you remain single.
‘Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not in the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.’ (1 John 2:15-17 KJV)
This is what Paul is calling us to. What are you living for? Surely it has got to be more than to have a pleasant home and a retirement plan and cram your sunset years with a few activities you were unable to get in before you die. Christians are not to live that way because they have opportunity for fulfillment far beyond this life. If you do not have time to get in all the pleasures and enjoyments here you will have lots of time beyond. That is what the apostle is saying. We do not have to try and cram it all into one brief episode. What awaits is so exceedingly fantastic and beyond description that to give oneself fully to the pursuit of the things of God here is a much wiser choice than to waste one's whole existence on secondary levels of activity and involvement. It is easier, he suggests, to do that if you remain single, and many people have made that choice.”
- Ray Stedman
"God is sovereign over who gets married and who doesn't. And He can be trusted to do what is good for those who hope in Him."
- John Piper
- John Piper
"God did not intend that all should get married, therefore, it is not failure or a mark of defeat to remain unmarried. It is a special calling of God......we might group under this classification those who are simply never asked to be married. Whatever the circumstance may be, something beyond their control has made it impossible for them to marry. Again this is not unanticipated in God's thinking. He finds room and place for such; they are not excluded from his grace and his activity.......if you fall into this classification, then be content with it, receive it, accept it. Accept your circumstances fully -- do not fight them, or resent them; do not constantly battle against the solitary life and feel embittered. Accept it, receive it as men receive gifts from God everywhere......single life need not be lonely, boring, unrewarding, if it is committed fully and unreservedly to Jesus Christ. It can be a daily adventure of dedication and achievement that surpasses anything possible to those who are married."
- Ray Stedman
- Ray Stedman
“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, not sits in the seat of scoffers. – Psalm 1:1
Are you the single woman who finds herself alone because you refuse to enter into the hook-up culture that is considered to be enjoying a healthy sex life?
Let’s face it. The ‘blessed man’ is someone who just doesn’t fit in. He doesn’t go where everybody else is going, and he doesn’t run with the ‘in’ crowd; he doesn’t laugh along with the latest raunchy viral video. Frankly, it is easier and oftentimes a lot more fun to conform rather than to chart a course that goes against the grain. But if we don’t have the strength to refuse to conform, we will never find the happiness Psalm 1 talks about or enjoy the security it offers.”
- Nancy Guthrie
Are you the single woman who finds herself alone because you refuse to enter into the hook-up culture that is considered to be enjoying a healthy sex life?
Let’s face it. The ‘blessed man’ is someone who just doesn’t fit in. He doesn’t go where everybody else is going, and he doesn’t run with the ‘in’ crowd; he doesn’t laugh along with the latest raunchy viral video. Frankly, it is easier and oftentimes a lot more fun to conform rather than to chart a course that goes against the grain. But if we don’t have the strength to refuse to conform, we will never find the happiness Psalm 1 talks about or enjoy the security it offers.”
- Nancy Guthrie
“Marriage, sorrow, rejoicing, possessions, and pleasure all have a proper place in the Christian life. In fact, each is a part of God’s provision for life here. But human relationships, emotions, possessions, and pleasures become sinful when they dominate thought and behavior, and especially when they detract us from the Lord’s work. We are to hold marriage in the highest honor (Heb. 13:4), to ‘rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep’ (Rom. 12:15), and not despise earthly possessions. Our ‘heavenly Father knows that [we] need all these things’ (Matt. 6:32). But we should not overvalue those things, knowing that they are passing away.”
- John MacArthur, from his commentary on 1 Corinthians
- John MacArthur, from his commentary on 1 Corinthians
“The feeling of loneliness is tied to the desire for intimacy with God, and that desire is often misunderstood as merely a desire for a spouse.
We often believe that marriage will fix us and make us feel whole, that a husband will provide comfort, security, and love. This way of thinking will ultimately bring us disappointment and failure. In counseling I have seen the devastating results of believing that loneliness can be resolved through marriage.
All women were created for a deep spiritual relationship with God that cannot be satisfied though marriage and children. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to desire marriage – not at all. Marriage is a great blessing from God, and allows you to serve God by serving your spouse. Yet if your motivation is to cure your loneliness through marriage rather than through a loving relationship with God, your loneliness will follow you into marriage.
With God, whether you are single or married, your happiness will never have to depend on another human being. Jesus alone provides the strength and power to live a rich, productive, and purposeful life.”
- Joan Kulper, from the book “Women Counseling Women: Biblical Answers to Life’s Difficult Problems”
We often believe that marriage will fix us and make us feel whole, that a husband will provide comfort, security, and love. This way of thinking will ultimately bring us disappointment and failure. In counseling I have seen the devastating results of believing that loneliness can be resolved through marriage.
All women were created for a deep spiritual relationship with God that cannot be satisfied though marriage and children. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to desire marriage – not at all. Marriage is a great blessing from God, and allows you to serve God by serving your spouse. Yet if your motivation is to cure your loneliness through marriage rather than through a loving relationship with God, your loneliness will follow you into marriage.
With God, whether you are single or married, your happiness will never have to depend on another human being. Jesus alone provides the strength and power to live a rich, productive, and purposeful life.”
- Joan Kulper, from the book “Women Counseling Women: Biblical Answers to Life’s Difficult Problems”
“In our culture we have certain things that we simply don’t know how to handle: nuclear reactors, inflation, pornography, and perhaps the most confusing of all, single people.
Single people. What an enigma! Those unusual creatures without wives or husbands. What do you say to them? How can you carry on a conversation with people who are so deprived and socially amputated? Do you pity them? Encourage them? Ignore them?
Once, before I was married, I took a trip to visit my old alma mater. I saw a lot of old friends. Their response to my still-matelessness was amusing.
‘Haven’t found the right one yet?’ they’d inquire. ‘Gee, Max, I’m sorry.’ (As though I’d failed at life.) Some were more tactful. ‘How’s your social life?’ (What they really wanted was a scouting report.)
Others had pity on me. Several put their arms around my shoulders or gently took my hand (as though I were terminally ill) and confided, ‘God has one waiting for you, Max. Don’t be afraid.’
I know people mean well. But, honestly….is bachelorhood really a disease? Are life and meaning found only at the marriage altar?
Jesus suggested that singleness is more than acceptable. In fact, Jesus called it a gift (Matthew 19:12); not for everybody but for a few. A gift that encourages ‘undivided devotion to the Lord’ (1 Corinthians 7:35). Perhaps, then, a single Christian should not be regarded as one who is spiritually impotent but as one who is gifted. I was grateful for my ‘gift’ of singleness. Later God chose to replace my gift with a wife. I’m thankful, and I’m still serving him. But, believe it or not, it is possible to be content and come home to an empty apartment.”
- Max Lucado, from his book “On the Anvil: Stories on Being Shaped Into God’s Image”
Single people. What an enigma! Those unusual creatures without wives or husbands. What do you say to them? How can you carry on a conversation with people who are so deprived and socially amputated? Do you pity them? Encourage them? Ignore them?
Once, before I was married, I took a trip to visit my old alma mater. I saw a lot of old friends. Their response to my still-matelessness was amusing.
‘Haven’t found the right one yet?’ they’d inquire. ‘Gee, Max, I’m sorry.’ (As though I’d failed at life.) Some were more tactful. ‘How’s your social life?’ (What they really wanted was a scouting report.)
Others had pity on me. Several put their arms around my shoulders or gently took my hand (as though I were terminally ill) and confided, ‘God has one waiting for you, Max. Don’t be afraid.’
I know people mean well. But, honestly….is bachelorhood really a disease? Are life and meaning found only at the marriage altar?
Jesus suggested that singleness is more than acceptable. In fact, Jesus called it a gift (Matthew 19:12); not for everybody but for a few. A gift that encourages ‘undivided devotion to the Lord’ (1 Corinthians 7:35). Perhaps, then, a single Christian should not be regarded as one who is spiritually impotent but as one who is gifted. I was grateful for my ‘gift’ of singleness. Later God chose to replace my gift with a wife. I’m thankful, and I’m still serving him. But, believe it or not, it is possible to be content and come home to an empty apartment.”
- Max Lucado, from his book “On the Anvil: Stories on Being Shaped Into God’s Image”
“Please understand, I’m not opposed to marriage. I believe it to be a God-given, sacred institution; one that is blessed and encouraged by Scripture. I just wasn’t compelled to make it part of my personal journey. And in the fifties, I can tell you, not to marry was deeply criticized by the general Christian community. I was the first person in my extended family who chose to remain single. It was a hard row to hoe, and I’ve often wondered where I would be now had it not been for the allegiance and love of my father. If he ever in his heart preferred marriage for me, I never knew it, and he never criticized me for choosing the path I did. Would that every girl had a dad like mine.”
- Luci Swindoll (sister of Chuck Swindoll), from her book “I Married Adventure”
- Luci Swindoll (sister of Chuck Swindoll), from her book “I Married Adventure”
"I would say that singleness is a gift for as long as you have it. Some people God means to have it for a lifetime, and some people God means to have it for a season. But while you have it, consult the Scriptures to see how you can maximize the freedoms of singleness for the glory of Christ, because there are advantages to being married, and there are advantages to singleness when it comes to serving Jesus."
- John Piper
- John Piper
"It may surprise you that the Bible refers to both marriage and singleness as gifts (1 Corinthians 7:6–7). Your sexuality and your singleness (temporary or permanent) are gifts from God.
Now maybe you think that singleness is not a good gift — kind of like getting an ugly knitted sweater from a frumpy aunt at Christmas; so ugly that you wouldn't even dream of re-gifting it. Or maybe you wish the gift came with a receipt so you could exchange it for the one you really want. But whether or not you're happy about being single, it's important for you to understand that though this gift is given to you, it's not given for you. The gift is ultimately for the church. God gives gifts so that we might faithfully steward them "for the common good" (1 Corinthians 12:7). Therefore, as long as you hold the gift of singleness in your hands, the Lord wants you to steward it for the for the benefit of others."
- Mary Kassian
Now maybe you think that singleness is not a good gift — kind of like getting an ugly knitted sweater from a frumpy aunt at Christmas; so ugly that you wouldn't even dream of re-gifting it. Or maybe you wish the gift came with a receipt so you could exchange it for the one you really want. But whether or not you're happy about being single, it's important for you to understand that though this gift is given to you, it's not given for you. The gift is ultimately for the church. God gives gifts so that we might faithfully steward them "for the common good" (1 Corinthians 12:7). Therefore, as long as you hold the gift of singleness in your hands, the Lord wants you to steward it for the for the benefit of others."
- Mary Kassian
"...the Bible gives us a very compelling vision for the joy of singleness and devotion to God that seems to me to be neglected by and large.....we’re all single before we’re married, and how we live as singles has great impact on how we subsequently live as married folks."
- Thabiti Anyabwile
- Thabiti Anyabwile
As part of an article on Boundless, a question was asked to an older single woman who had never married and was involved in ministry. The question was, “How do you know you are called to singleness?” This was her response:
“I am happy to respond from personal experience as well as much reading I have done on this subject. However, I certainly claim to have no solid answers. I only know where God has led me thus far, and the grace he has given me. I'm pretty sure I could start a small library with my thoughts on this subject, so I will try and keep my response as brief as possible.
Apart from a direct word from God, I am not convinced that anyone can know they are called to permanent (lifelong) singleness. Those in the Catholic faith have the clarity of a mandated vow of celibacy to accompany their call to full-time ministry. Protestants do not have such a clear choice. Of all the Protestant singles in full-time ministry who I have read or know about personally, all have a desire and hope for marriage, but for one reason or another it has simply never worked out (yet). But they have also come to the realization that their desire for marriage is one more thing that gets to be laid on the altar of living a surrendered life. They have also discovered exceptional grace to live life with much joy in undivided devotion (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Singleness is one of those things (for me anyway) that requires acceptance of the grace God gives you for today and not worry about whether you'll have it for tomorrow, next year or the next decade. Seasons of life change. I believe that one can live in obedience, acceptance and contentment for the present season, trusting God to prepare them for other seasons as they may come. God rarely (if ever?) gives us a spotlight into the future.
However, I understand wanting to know. I questioned God ceaselessly in my late teens and early twenties till I realized the answer he was giving me was "Trust Me and wait." Still, it might be a good exercise to take a look at the motives behind a question like that. What are we really asking? How would our life change depending on the answer? First of all, the fact that this person is even asking this question shows a seriousness about discipleship that is noteworthy. Most young people shudder at even the mention of permanent celibacy and certainly don't get anywhere near asking God about it!
But back to the motives. We would like to imagine that if God said, "Single forever!" we would be able to breath a sigh of relief, write off all the hassle of romantic relationships or even the hope thereof, and go on our merry way of serving Him completely without another backward glance. But if His answer is "Marriage!" what would change? Are you going to abandon your desire and focus to live a life devoted to God to begin seeking high and low for Mr. or Miss Right? Or will you remain committed to God's call on your life, serving Him wholeheartedly until such time as he sees fit to bring your mate into your life?
A more pertinent question for your correspondent may be, "God, am I allowed to date?" If so, then he or she should be asking who, when and how. If not, then pray for the needed grace and a God-centered focus. God truly desires to counsel us in these things. Who better to counsel us in areas of the heart than the Lover of our souls and the Creator of our entire beings, including our hormones? And who better to choose a mate for us than that same loving, heavenly Father?”
“I am happy to respond from personal experience as well as much reading I have done on this subject. However, I certainly claim to have no solid answers. I only know where God has led me thus far, and the grace he has given me. I'm pretty sure I could start a small library with my thoughts on this subject, so I will try and keep my response as brief as possible.
Apart from a direct word from God, I am not convinced that anyone can know they are called to permanent (lifelong) singleness. Those in the Catholic faith have the clarity of a mandated vow of celibacy to accompany their call to full-time ministry. Protestants do not have such a clear choice. Of all the Protestant singles in full-time ministry who I have read or know about personally, all have a desire and hope for marriage, but for one reason or another it has simply never worked out (yet). But they have also come to the realization that their desire for marriage is one more thing that gets to be laid on the altar of living a surrendered life. They have also discovered exceptional grace to live life with much joy in undivided devotion (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Singleness is one of those things (for me anyway) that requires acceptance of the grace God gives you for today and not worry about whether you'll have it for tomorrow, next year or the next decade. Seasons of life change. I believe that one can live in obedience, acceptance and contentment for the present season, trusting God to prepare them for other seasons as they may come. God rarely (if ever?) gives us a spotlight into the future.
However, I understand wanting to know. I questioned God ceaselessly in my late teens and early twenties till I realized the answer he was giving me was "Trust Me and wait." Still, it might be a good exercise to take a look at the motives behind a question like that. What are we really asking? How would our life change depending on the answer? First of all, the fact that this person is even asking this question shows a seriousness about discipleship that is noteworthy. Most young people shudder at even the mention of permanent celibacy and certainly don't get anywhere near asking God about it!
But back to the motives. We would like to imagine that if God said, "Single forever!" we would be able to breath a sigh of relief, write off all the hassle of romantic relationships or even the hope thereof, and go on our merry way of serving Him completely without another backward glance. But if His answer is "Marriage!" what would change? Are you going to abandon your desire and focus to live a life devoted to God to begin seeking high and low for Mr. or Miss Right? Or will you remain committed to God's call on your life, serving Him wholeheartedly until such time as he sees fit to bring your mate into your life?
A more pertinent question for your correspondent may be, "God, am I allowed to date?" If so, then he or she should be asking who, when and how. If not, then pray for the needed grace and a God-centered focus. God truly desires to counsel us in these things. Who better to counsel us in areas of the heart than the Lover of our souls and the Creator of our entire beings, including our hormones? And who better to choose a mate for us than that same loving, heavenly Father?”
“Everything in our culture – books, movies, recreational pastimes – tend to push the idea that sex and romance are the ultimate pursuit. Even our evangelical churches – though in reaction to the demise of family life and the alarming escalation of divorce in our country – have overemphasized family life to the point that singles feel out of place. Many single Christian women have received from the church what feels like a loud-and-clear message that their singleness is ‘something to be fixed.’
What does our life guide, the Bible, say? First Corinthians 7:40 declares that it is better to be single than married. Better! Shake yourself loose from the ideas of the world around you and look to God’s Word to see the single life described as an assignment, a calling, and a gift.”
- Barbara Hughes, “Disciplines of a Godly Woman”
What does our life guide, the Bible, say? First Corinthians 7:40 declares that it is better to be single than married. Better! Shake yourself loose from the ideas of the world around you and look to God’s Word to see the single life described as an assignment, a calling, and a gift.”
- Barbara Hughes, “Disciplines of a Godly Woman”
“A single woman might say, ‘I have no household. I need to get out and about so I can find a husband and get a household!’ It’s true that a single woman may have more discretionary time for socializing, but it’s not true that she does not have a household. Nor is it true that she can neglect it and suffer no ill consequence. Every woman has a household – even if she is the only one in it. A Girl-Gone-Wise cultivates habits, routines, and priorities to keep her home life in order. This happens long before she is ever married. Home is not all she has, but it is what she does first.”
- Mary Kassian, from her book “Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild”
- Mary Kassian, from her book “Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild”
“Your marital choice is crucial, but it will never define you. If you are a believer, God – not your marital status (or marital happiness or frustration) – defines your life. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Let the pursuit of marriage be one of joy, one you undertake with your closest eternal companion – God Himself – walking with you.
You’re not trying to replace God by finding your perfect match – that’s desperation. You are already perfectly loved and looking for someone who can help you grow in and share that love – that’s security. Christians should never be defined by the word desperate. We are well loved, well cared for, adored by the One who knows us best, and secure in His acceptance, love, affirmation, and purpose.”
- Gary Thomas, another great quote from his book “The Sacred Search”
You’re not trying to replace God by finding your perfect match – that’s desperation. You are already perfectly loved and looking for someone who can help you grow in and share that love – that’s security. Christians should never be defined by the word desperate. We are well loved, well cared for, adored by the One who knows us best, and secure in His acceptance, love, affirmation, and purpose.”
- Gary Thomas, another great quote from his book “The Sacred Search”
"God is sovereign over who gets married and who remains single, and He can be trusted to do what is good for those who trust in Him: 'no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly' (Psalm 84:11). God rules in these affairs and we will be happiest when we bow to His inscrutable ways. I am sure that it was not always easy for Paul to be single but, as he himself wrote, 'I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content' (Philippians 4:11).
I cannot stress this point enough: if there is contentedness in being single then we must not look at single people as being broken. God has His plan, will and way for each of us."
- Doug Van Meter, pastor of Brackenhurst Baptist Church
I cannot stress this point enough: if there is contentedness in being single then we must not look at single people as being broken. God has His plan, will and way for each of us."
- Doug Van Meter, pastor of Brackenhurst Baptist Church
“There is a significant portion of the adult population in America that is single. Almost half of all adults in America are unmarried. And consequently what Paul has to say in these verses (in 1 Corinthians 7) is not a side note. There was once a time in our society when it might not have spoken directly to as many people, but now there are as many unmarried people in America as there are married people. So what Paul has to say here is of great importance.
Marriage is an institution established by God, it is the norm for most. And marriage is a great blessing for those who enter into it. But it is not required, it is not obligatory for every believer. If one is not married today sometimes even the church begins to look and say, ‘So what’s wrong with you?’ And sometimes people look in the mirror and they ask themselves, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ Well, that’s not the perspective of the Apostle Paul.”
- Steve Lawson, from his sermon “Single-Mindedness”
Marriage is an institution established by God, it is the norm for most. And marriage is a great blessing for those who enter into it. But it is not required, it is not obligatory for every believer. If one is not married today sometimes even the church begins to look and say, ‘So what’s wrong with you?’ And sometimes people look in the mirror and they ask themselves, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ Well, that’s not the perspective of the Apostle Paul.”
- Steve Lawson, from his sermon “Single-Mindedness”
"A bad marriage is far worse than the most lonely instance of singleness."
- James Dobson
- James Dobson
