Sunday, November 16, 2014

Single Profile: Richard Oldham



Richard Oldham, pastor of Glendale Baptist Church for 57 years in Bowling Green, Kentucky, died at the age of 84 on September 8, 2014.  He was a dedicated, hardworking servant of the Lord whose far-reaching influence and impact were not fully realized until his passing.  Oldham's funeral was standing-room-only as hundreds of people packed the little sanctuary of Glendale Baptist, sharing their memories of him.  Several said he was the greatest man they ever knew. 

Throughout his ministry, Oldham baptized over 6,000 people, mentored over 250 men and women into full-time Christian ministry (he called them "Swordsmen"), founded "Teentime", a youth radio broadcast that has aired in Bowling Green for 50 years, and, as Al Mohler said in a tribute to Oldham, "had many sons and daughters in the faith."

This is all quite remarkable when you consider that Brother Richard, as he was fondly known by his flock, never married and never had children.

What I find so encouraging about Oldham is that he never set out to be single for life.  He didn't take a vow of celibacy, he had several girlfriends early in life, and he was even engaged once.  But after arriving at Glendale, two years after he graduated from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in 1955, Oldham found himself joyfully consumed with the ministry God had given him there and he willingly set aside marriage and family to focus on his pastoral call.

"The Lord seemed to say, 'It's okay.  I'll take care of you.'  And He has," Oldham once said.

Singleness, even lifelong singleness that is unexpected and undesired, need not be sad, solitary, or purposeless.  No one looking at Richard Oldham's life - seeing the many people he led to Christ and inspired to ministry - would think, "Oh that poor man.  He never married."  Oldham found the ministry of Jesus Christ to be so compelling that he ceased to pursue family life to focus on it exclusively.  He did not despise marriage nor did he think little of it, he simply thought much of Christ. 

Let us pray that God will give us singles that same all-consuming passion for His glory and fame!    


Saturday, November 8, 2014

Encouraging Quotes about Singleness - Part 5

More gems of wisdom about the state of singleness from evangelical speakers and leaders.  Read and be blessed, single sisters!

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As singles in Christ, we must combat the lies the world tells us about our single state. June Hunt, founder of “Hope for the Heart” gives a list of common lies singles believe and confronts them with the truth of God’s Word. 

1. Lies about Identity – “I’m nobody’s wife, I’m nobody’s mother, I have no purpose.”

Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

2. Lies about Loneliness – “I need someone to share my life. I feel so alone.”

Hebrews 13:5 – “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’”

3. Lies about Rejection – “I am not wanted. I must not be lovable.”

1 John 3:1 – “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”

4. Lies about Fear – “I will be all alone when I am old.”

Isaiah 41:10 – “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

5. Bitter Lies – “I am not receiving the best in life. God must be punishing me.”

Psalm 84:11 – “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

6. Lies about Sexuality – “A sexual relationship is the only means to intimacy. I don’t know what to do with my sexual desires.”

Romans 12:1 – “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

7. Lies about Maturity – “Since God uses the family to build character, I will never become mature if I remain unmarried.”

Philippians 1:6 – “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”





“For a long time I thought of Psalm 37:4 as the single person’s verse of hope. How many times have we heard this verse quoted to or by a single person and interpreted as, ‘If I just get close to God, then he’ll give me what I really want – a husband!’

We might think that if we give God our obedience and interest and compliments, we can get what we want from him in return.

But delighting in God is not a way to get what we want from him. This is manipulation and bribery. Genuine delight has no ulterior motive, no additional demands.

If we see this verse as a formula for getting what we want from God, we’re settling for much less than what God is offering. God wants to change what we want. He wants to free us from the slavery of wanting what will never completely satisfy us. He wants to give us what he knows will completely satisfy us forever: himself.”

- Nancy Guthrie





"Are you making the most of your days? Someone may say, 'Well, I don't really want to be single. I was hoping to be married by this time.'

I understand. But are you making the most of your singleness in the meantime? Are all of us making the most of every opportunity for God's glory?"

- Alistair Begg



“Christianity’s founder, Jesus Christ, and leading theologian, St. Paul, were both single their entire lives. Single adults cannot be seen as somehow less fully formed or realized human beings than married persons because Jesus Christ, a single man, was the perfect man (Hebrews 4:15; 1 Peter 2:22).”

- Tim Keller




“Womanhood is a call. It is a vocation to which we respond under God, glad if it means the literal bearing of children, thankful as well for all that it means in a much wider sense, that in which every woman, married or single, fruitful orbarren, may participate – the unconditional response exemplified for all time in Mary the virgin, and the willingness to enter into suffering, to receive, to carry, to give life, to nurture and to care for others. The strength to answer this call is given us as we look up toward the Love that created us, remembering that it was that Love that first, most literally, imagined sexuality, that made us at the very beginning real men and real women.”

- Elisabeth Elliot, from her book “Let Me Be a Woman”





“Satan convinced Eve to believe that God wanted to restrain her from developing her potential – her godhood, if you will. Eve believed the lie.

Today, Satan uses similar strategies to dissatisfy us with God’s will. The single girl seeking a mate asks, ‘How can God be good? If He were, He’d bring me companionship. Doesn’t He know how lonely I am?’

Let’s return to the story in the garden of Eden. Notice how Satan focused on a restriction and used it to blind Eve to God’s blessing. Yes, there was one tree she could not enjoy, but presumably there were hundreds she could. Did Satan point out the many trees she was permitted to eat from? Hardly. He focused on one negative, and Eve forgot God’s generosity and grace. So it is today. Satan will urge you to focus on one issue, one aggravation, one restriction.

So, I must ask, do you doubt God’s goodness? Are you fully prepared to agree that His will is perfect and acceptable? If He denied you the pleasure of marriage, would you feel ripped-off?”

- Erwin Lutzer




“…Jesus is ‘the beauty of all things beautiful.’ When we Christians reflect that beauty by the way we think and act (or don’t act) upon bodily passions, the world takes notice. That is, the single person who waits for marriage to express his or her passion promotes the gospel, as does the married couple who so passionately love each other. The world notices these things. The world notices the pure girl who won’t. The world notices the Christian couple married for sixty years who still enjoy each other’s friendship…..Pure passion – held in check or rightly expressed – is a promotion of the passion of Jesus Christ…..it’s the gospel in its most tangible/touchable/visible form.”

- Douglas Sean O’Donnell





“Some of you may never marry or you may be so far from it right now that it is not a helpful strategy to encourage you toward it. If that’s where you’re at, then the Bible has even better news for you! In Ephesians 5, Paul explains the nature and purpose of marriage. Toward the end of his teaching he boils down everything he’s written with a summary statement: “I am talking about Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32). In other words, everything the Bible says about marriage is not ultimately about marriage at all. God made marriage to point people to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Husbands and wives exist to reflect the saving purposes of Christ for his bride, the church. Marriage is an arrow that points to the reality of Christ’s love for the church. Marriage is a shadow whose substance is the saving purpose of Jesus.

This means that though you have legitimate, God-given sexual desires, you do not need marriage in any essential way. Marriage is wonderful, and it’s important. But the primary reason God created marriage is to picture for us the gospel of Jesus. If you see and grasp the target, you don’t need the arrow. If you have the substance, you don’t need the shadow.”

- Heath Lambert





“….a friend sent me a card with the following anonymous quote: Lord, I am willing to receive what You give, to lack what You withhold, to relinquish what You take, to suffer what You inflict, to be what You require……If you are single with no prospects of marriage, can you say, ‘Lord, I am willing to lack what You have withheld’?

I was almost thirty-four when I got married, so I know something of the loneliness of adult single life. And even after marriage I struggled with discontentment at our son’s soccer or basketball games because I was at least ten years older than the other parents around me…..I readily recognize that the circumstances I deal with are minor compared to what many believers experience. But I do want you to know that if you struggle with discontentment, I’m right there with you.

Whatever situation tempts us to be discontent, and however severe it may be, we need to recognize that discontentment is sin. That statement may surprise many readers. We are so used to responding to difficult circumstances with anxiety, frustration, or discontentment that we consider them normal reactions to the varying vicissitudes of life……When we fail to recognize these responses to our circumstances as sin, we are responding no differently from unbelievers who never factor God into their situations.”

- Jerry Bridges, from his book “Respectable Sins”





“Singleness has been a noble and courageous path for ministry ever since Jesus and the Apostle Paul chose it ‘because of the kingdom of heaven.’ It is no sign of weakness to want to be married. It is normal, and it is good. The courage comes when you sense God calling you to singleness (for this chapter of your life) and you accept the call with zeal and creative planning for His glory.”

- John Piper





“If you’re single, live a cross centered life……May the reality of what God has done for you continue to be the most captivating thought in your mind…..and may the truth of Christ’s death for you always be the most precious treasure in your heart.”

- C.J. Mahaney





“No matter whether you are single or married, your earthly marital status is not your primary identity.”

- Elyse Fitzpatrick

Indeed, our identity in Christ is our primary identity as Christians. It cannot be gained or lost by a change in marital status. Christ is the foundation that we can build our lives upon. 





“A single Christian woman is to live her life in a way that reflects her complete dedication to God. As one who is unmarried, she has the privilege of undistracted service to God and caring the ‘the things of the Lord’ (1 Corinthians 7:34). Every day a woman is single is another glorious day to serve God wholeheartedly and without distraction. Her singleness is her ‘green light’ from God to go all out in service to others.

Is singleness a reality for you today, dear woman of God? Although you may desire to be married, ‘let not your longing slay the appetite of your living….Accept and thank God for what is given, not allowing the not-given to spoil it’.

‘Miriam, what advice do you have for single women?’ Imagine an interviewer today asking this question of Miriam, one of God’s super-singles of yesterday.

Perhaps Miriam would simply say, ‘Devote yourself to ministry.’ Based on the Bible, Miriam appears to have viewed her singleness as an opportunity to give herself fully to ministry. As a result she blossomed into one of the Bible’s strongest female leaders (Micah 6:4).”

- Elizabeth George





“‘I mean, brethren, the appointed time has grown very short; from now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it.[The King James Version puts it better: "And they that use this world as not abusing it"] For the form of the world is passing away.’ (1 Corinthians 7:29-31 RSV)

Paul is saying here that single life makes it easier to maintain the proper priorities of life. These priorities apply to all, whether you are married or single, if you are Christian. You ought to face life differently as a Christian than you would as a non-Christian. You ought to see things differently; you ought to have different value standards. Whether you are married or single that should be true simply because you are a Christian. But there is the clear implication in all of this that it is easier to do that if you remain single.

‘Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not in the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.’ (1 John 2:15-17 KJV)

This is what Paul is calling us to. What are you living for? Surely it has got to be more than to have a pleasant home and a retirement plan and cram your sunset years with a few activities you were unable to get in before you die. Christians are not to live that way because they have opportunity for fulfillment far beyond this life. If you do not have time to get in all the pleasures and enjoyments here you will have lots of time beyond. That is what the apostle is saying. We do not have to try and cram it all into one brief episode. What awaits is so exceedingly fantastic and beyond description that to give oneself fully to the pursuit of the things of God here is a much wiser choice than to waste one's whole existence on secondary levels of activity and involvement. It is easier, he suggests, to do that if you remain single, and many people have made that choice.”

- Ray Stedman





"God is sovereign over who gets married and who doesn't. And He can be trusted to do what is good for those who hope in Him."

- John Piper





"God did not intend that all should get married, therefore, it is not failure or a mark of defeat to remain unmarried. It is a special calling of God......we might group under this classification those who are simply never asked to be married. Whatever the circumstance may be, something beyond their control has made it impossible for them to marry. Again this is not unanticipated in God's thinking. He finds room and place for such; they are not excluded from his grace and his activity.......if you fall into this classification, then be content with it, receive it, accept it. Accept your circumstances fully -- do not fight them, or resent them; do not constantly battle against the solitary life and feel embittered. Accept it, receive it as men receive gifts from God everywhere......single life need not be lonely, boring, unrewarding, if it is committed fully and unreservedly to Jesus Christ. It can be a daily adventure of dedication and achievement that surpasses anything possible to those who are married."

- Ray Stedman





“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, not sits in the seat of scoffers. – Psalm 1:1

Are you the single woman who finds herself alone because you refuse to enter into the hook-up culture that is considered to be enjoying a healthy sex life?

Let’s face it. The ‘blessed man’ is someone who just doesn’t fit in. He doesn’t go where everybody else is going, and he doesn’t run with the ‘in’ crowd; he doesn’t laugh along with the latest raunchy viral video. Frankly, it is easier and oftentimes a lot more fun to conform rather than to chart a course that goes against the grain. But if we don’t have the strength to refuse to conform, we will never find the happiness Psalm 1 talks about or enjoy the security it offers.”

- Nancy Guthrie




“Marriage, sorrow, rejoicing, possessions, and pleasure all have a proper place in the Christian life. In fact, each is a part of God’s provision for life here. But human relationships, emotions, possessions, and pleasures become sinful when they dominate thought and behavior, and especially when they detract us from the Lord’s work. We are to hold marriage in the highest honor (Heb. 13:4), to ‘rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep’ (Rom. 12:15), and not despise earthly possessions. Our ‘heavenly Father knows that [we] need all these things’ (Matt. 6:32). But we should not overvalue those things, knowing that they are passing away.”

- John MacArthur, from his commentary on 1 Corinthians





“The feeling of loneliness is tied to the desire for intimacy with God, and that desire is often misunderstood as merely a desire for a spouse.

We often believe that marriage will fix us and make us feel whole, that a husband will provide comfort, security, and love. This way of thinking will ultimately bring us disappointment and failure. In counseling I have seen the devastating results of believing that loneliness can be resolved through marriage.

All women were created for a deep spiritual relationship with God that cannot be satisfied though marriage and children. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to desire marriage – not at all. Marriage is a great blessing from God, and allows you to serve God by serving your spouse. Yet if your motivation is to cure your loneliness through marriage rather than through a loving relationship with God, your loneliness will follow you into marriage.

With God, whether you are single or married, your happiness will never have to depend on another human being. Jesus alone provides the strength and power to live a rich, productive, and purposeful life.”

- Joan Kulper, from the book “Women Counseling Women: Biblical Answers to Life’s Difficult Problems”





“In our culture we have certain things that we simply don’t know how to handle: nuclear reactors, inflation, pornography, and perhaps the most confusing of all, single people.

Single people. What an enigma! Those unusual creatures without wives or husbands. What do you say to them? How can you carry on a conversation with people who are so deprived and socially amputated? Do you pity them? Encourage them? Ignore them?

Once, before I was married, I took a trip to visit my old alma mater. I saw a lot of old friends. Their response to my still-matelessness was amusing.

‘Haven’t found the right one yet?’ they’d inquire. ‘Gee, Max, I’m sorry.’ (As though I’d failed at life.) Some were more tactful. ‘How’s your social life?’ (What they really wanted was a scouting report.)

Others had pity on me. Several put their arms around my shoulders or gently took my hand (as though I were terminally ill) and confided, ‘God has one waiting for you, Max. Don’t be afraid.’

I know people mean well. But, honestly….is bachelorhood really a disease? Are life and meaning found only at the marriage altar?

Jesus suggested that singleness is more than acceptable. In fact, Jesus called it a gift (Matthew 19:12); not for everybody but for a few. A gift that encourages ‘undivided devotion to the Lord’ (1 Corinthians 7:35). Perhaps, then, a single Christian should not be regarded as one who is spiritually impotent but as one who is gifted. I was grateful for my ‘gift’ of singleness. Later God chose to replace my gift with a wife. I’m thankful, and I’m still serving him. But, believe it or not, it is possible to be content and come home to an empty apartment.”

- Max Lucado, from his book “On the Anvil: Stories on Being Shaped Into God’s Image”





“Please understand, I’m not opposed to marriage. I believe it to be a God-given, sacred institution; one that is blessed and encouraged by Scripture. I just wasn’t compelled to make it part of my personal journey. And in the fifties, I can tell you, not to marry was deeply criticized by the general Christian community. I was the first person in my extended family who chose to remain single. It was a hard row to hoe, and I’ve often wondered where I would be now had it not been for the allegiance and love of my father. If he ever in his heart preferred marriage for me, I never knew it, and he never criticized me for choosing the path I did. Would that every girl had a dad like mine.”

- Luci Swindoll (sister of Chuck Swindoll), from her book “I Married Adventure”





"I would say that singleness is a gift for as long as you have it. Some people God means to have it for a lifetime, and some people God means to have it for a season. But while you have it, consult the Scriptures to see how you can maximize the freedoms of singleness for the glory of Christ, because there are advantages to being married, and there are advantages to singleness when it comes to serving Jesus."

- John Piper





"It may surprise you that the Bible refers to both marriage and singleness as gifts (1 Corinthians 7:6–7). Your sexuality and your singleness (temporary or permanent) are gifts from God.

Now maybe you think that singleness is not a good gift — kind of like getting an ugly knitted sweater from a frumpy aunt at Christmas; so ugly that you wouldn't even dream of re-gifting it. Or maybe you wish the gift came with a receipt so you could exchange it for the one you really want. But whether or not you're happy about being single, it's important for you to understand that though this gift is given to you, it's not given for you. The gift is ultimately for the church. God gives gifts so that we might faithfully steward them "for the common good" (1 Corinthians 12:7). Therefore, as long as you hold the gift of singleness in your hands, the Lord wants you to steward it for the for the benefit of others."

- Mary Kassian





"...the Bible gives us a very compelling vision for the joy of singleness and devotion to God that seems to me to be neglected by and large.....we’re all single before we’re married, and how we live as singles has great impact on how we subsequently live as married folks."

- Thabiti Anyabwile





As part of an article on Boundless, a question was asked to an older single woman who had never married and was involved in ministry. The question was, “How do you know you are called to singleness?” This was her response:

“I am happy to respond from personal experience as well as much reading I have done on this subject. However, I certainly claim to have no solid answers. I only know where God has led me thus far, and the grace he has given me. I'm pretty sure I could start a small library with my thoughts on this subject, so I will try and keep my response as brief as possible.

Apart from a direct word from God, I am not convinced that anyone can know they are called to permanent (lifelong) singleness. Those in the Catholic faith have the clarity of a mandated vow of celibacy to accompany their call to full-time ministry. Protestants do not have such a clear choice. Of all the Protestant singles in full-time ministry who I have read or know about personally, all have a desire and hope for marriage, but for one reason or another it has simply never worked out (yet). But they have also come to the realization that their desire for marriage is one more thing that gets to be laid on the altar of living a surrendered life. They have also discovered exceptional grace to live life with much joy in undivided devotion (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

Singleness is one of those things (for me anyway) that requires acceptance of the grace God gives you for today and not worry about whether you'll have it for tomorrow, next year or the next decade. Seasons of life change. I believe that one can live in obedience, acceptance and contentment for the present season, trusting God to prepare them for other seasons as they may come. God rarely (if ever?) gives us a spotlight into the future.

However, I understand wanting to know. I questioned God ceaselessly in my late teens and early twenties till I realized the answer he was giving me was "Trust Me and wait." Still, it might be a good exercise to take a look at the motives behind a question like that. What are we really asking? How would our life change depending on the answer? First of all, the fact that this person is even asking this question shows a seriousness about discipleship that is noteworthy. Most young people shudder at even the mention of permanent celibacy and certainly don't get anywhere near asking God about it!

But back to the motives. We would like to imagine that if God said, "Single forever!" we would be able to breath a sigh of relief, write off all the hassle of romantic relationships or even the hope thereof, and go on our merry way of serving Him completely without another backward glance. But if His answer is "Marriage!" what would change? Are you going to abandon your desire and focus to live a life devoted to God to begin seeking high and low for Mr. or Miss Right? Or will you remain committed to God's call on your life, serving Him wholeheartedly until such time as he sees fit to bring your mate into your life?

A more pertinent question for your correspondent may be, "God, am I allowed to date?" If so, then he or she should be asking who, when and how. If not, then pray for the needed grace and a God-centered focus. God truly desires to counsel us in these things. Who better to counsel us in areas of the heart than the Lover of our souls and the Creator of our entire beings, including our hormones? And who better to choose a mate for us than that same loving, heavenly Father?”





“Everything in our culture – books, movies, recreational pastimes – tend to push the idea that sex and romance are the ultimate pursuit. Even our evangelical churches – though in reaction to the demise of family life and the alarming escalation of divorce in our country – have overemphasized family life to the point that singles feel out of place. Many single Christian women have received from the church what feels like a loud-and-clear message that their singleness is ‘something to be fixed.’

What does our life guide, the Bible, say? First Corinthians 7:40 declares that it is better to be single than married. Better! Shake yourself loose from the ideas of the world around you and look to God’s Word to see the single life described as an assignment, a calling, and a gift.”

- Barbara Hughes, “Disciplines of a Godly Woman”





“A single woman might say, ‘I have no household. I need to get out and about so I can find a husband and get a household!’ It’s true that a single woman may have more discretionary time for socializing, but it’s not true that she does not have a household. Nor is it true that she can neglect it and suffer no ill consequence. Every woman has a household – even if she is the only one in it. A Girl-Gone-Wise cultivates habits, routines, and priorities to keep her home life in order. This happens long before she is ever married. Home is not all she has, but it is what she does first.”

- Mary Kassian, from her book “Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild”





“Your marital choice is crucial, but it will never define you. If you are a believer, God – not your marital status (or marital happiness or frustration) – defines your life. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Let the pursuit of marriage be one of joy, one you undertake with your closest eternal companion – God Himself – walking with you.

You’re not trying to replace God by finding your perfect match – that’s desperation. You are already perfectly loved and looking for someone who can help you grow in and share that love – that’s security. Christians should never be defined by the word desperate. We are well loved, well cared for, adored by the One who knows us best, and secure in His acceptance, love, affirmation, and purpose.”

- Gary Thomas, another great quote from his book “The Sacred Search”





"God is sovereign over who gets married and who remains single, and He can be trusted to do what is good for those who trust in Him: 'no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly' (Psalm 84:11). God rules in these affairs and we will be happiest when we bow to His inscrutable ways. I am sure that it was not always easy for Paul to be single but, as he himself wrote, 'I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content' (Philippians 4:11).

I cannot stress this point enough: if there is contentedness in being single then we must not look at single people as being broken. God has His plan, will and way for each of us."

- Doug Van Meter, pastor of Brackenhurst Baptist Church





“There is a significant portion of the adult population in America that is single. Almost half of all adults in America are unmarried. And consequently what Paul has to say in these verses (in 1 Corinthians 7) is not a side note. There was once a time in our society when it might not have spoken directly to as many people, but now there are as many unmarried people in America as there are married people. So what Paul has to say here is of great importance.

Marriage is an institution established by God, it is the norm for most. And marriage is a great blessing for those who enter into it. But it is not required, it is not obligatory for every believer. If one is not married today sometimes even the church begins to look and say, ‘So what’s wrong with you?’ And sometimes people look in the mirror and they ask themselves, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ Well, that’s not the perspective of the Apostle Paul.”

- Steve Lawson, from his sermon “Single-Mindedness”





"A bad marriage is far worse than the most lonely instance of singleness."

- James Dobson




Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Encouraging Quotes about Singleness - Part 4



Are you feeling sad about your singleness today?  Pining over dreams about marriage?  Read these inspiring quotes about singleness from a Christian perspective.  Also, if you'd like to read more quotes, check out "Encouraging Quotes about Singleness" Parts 1, 2, and 3.  You'll find a link to these posts on the right side of the page.


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Photo: “Scripture recognizes that it is God’s will for some women to remain single (1 Cor. 7:8-9).  In the wisdom of His providence, He has also ordained that some married women will remain perpetually childless (see Psalm 127:3).  A woman is by no means required to be a wife or a mother before she can be useful in the Lord’s service.  Miriam (Moses’ sister) and Deborah (who served as a judge and deliverer in Israel) are biblical examples of women whom God used mightily apart from marriage or motherhood.  (Deborah was married, but she gained renown in a role that had nothing to do with being a wife or mother).

By the time of Jesus’ birth, Anna was already advanced in years.  Her husband died seven years after their marriage, and she had remained single ever since.  At eighty-four years of age, she had been a widow for more than six decades in a society in which widowhood virtually guaranteed a life of extreme poverty.

No one can say for certain, but it is likely Anna chose to remain unmarried.  If she was married at the customary age of thirteen, she would have been twenty when her husband died and very eligible for remarriage.  Instead, it appears she turned her tragedy into an opportunity to serve the Lord full-time in the temple, teaching and encouraging other women and interceding on behalf of her people.”

- John MacArthur, from his book “Twelve Extraordinary Women”

“Scripture recognizes that it is God’s will for some women to remain single (1 Cor. 7:8-9). In the wisdom of His providence, He has also ordained that some married women will remain perpetually childless (see Psalm 127:3). A woman is by no means required to be a wife or a mother before she can be useful in the Lord’s service. Miriam (Moses’ sister) and Deborah (who served as a judge and deliverer in Israel) are biblical examples of women whom God used mightily apart from marriage or motherhood. (Deborah was married, but she gained renown in a role that had nothing to do with being a wife or mother).

By the time of Jesus’ birth, Anna was already advanced in years. Her husband died seven years after their marriage, and she had remained single ever since. At eighty-four years of age, she had been a widow for more than six decades in a society in which widowhood virtually guaranteed a life of extreme poverty.

No one can say for certain, but it is likely Anna chose to remain unmarried. If she was married at the customary age of thirteen, she would have been twenty when her husband died and very eligible for remarriage. Instead, it appears she turned her tragedy into an opportunity to serve the Lord full-time in the temple, teaching and encouraging other women and interceding on behalf of her people.”

- John MacArthur, from his book “Twelve Extraordinary Women”





Photo: “Some will remain wonderfully content as a single adult all their lives, while others pray, ache, and long for a marriage partner.  My exhortation is strong:  Don’t allow that desire to hurry you into making a commitment you could live to regret.  Take the time prayerfully and wisely to choose a mate.  I wish I could invite all the impatient singles to come sit in on a heated marriage counseling session.  You would quickly change your tune!  There are a lot of people who are married to partners they would love for YOU to have.  Matter of fact, their partners would say they are readily available!  And believe me, you don’t want them either.  There’s something a lot worse than not having a marriage partner, and that’s having the wrong one.  So, please, be patient.”

- Chuck Swindoll

“Some will remain wonderfully content as a single adult all their lives, while others pray, ache, and long for a marriage partner. My exhortation is strong: Don’t allow that desire to hurry you into making a commitment you could live to regret. Take the time prayerfully and wisely to choose a mate. I wish I could invite all the impatient singles to come sit in on a heated marriage counseling session. You would quickly change your tune! There are a lot of people who are married to partners they would love for YOU to have. Matter of fact, their partners would say they are readily available! And believe me, you don’t want them either. There’s something a lot worse than not having a marriage partner, and that’s having the wrong one. So, please, be patient.”

- Chuck Swindoll




Photo: "To be single is not to forego the traditional 'womanly' pursuits. Whether you live alone or with a husband and children, a house or apartment is still a home that requires 'homemaking.' And marital status has nothing to do with the desire for warm, comfortable, aesthetically pleasing surroundings. God gave each of us a desire for beauty; it is part of our desire for him, who is loveliness incarnate. Why should a single woman reject that part of her image as a creature of God? . . . I am a better and more imaginative cook now than I was five years ago. I am free to experiment on myself and my friends. I have the time and the money to entertain people around the dinner table, something I might not want or be able to do if I cooked for a family three times a day every day."

- Cheryl Forbes

"To be single is not to forego the traditional 'womanly' pursuits. Whether you live alone or with a husband and children, a house or apartment is still a home that requires 'homemaking.' And marital status has nothing to do with the desire for warm, comfortable, aesthetically pleasing surroundings. God gave each of us a desire for beauty; it is part of our desire for him, who is loveliness incarnate. Why should a single woman reject that part of her image as a creature of God? . . . I am a better and more imaginative cook now than I was five years ago. I am free to experiment on myself and my friends. I have the time and the money to entertain people around the dinner table, something I might not want or be able to do if I cooked for a family three times a day every day."

- Cheryl Forbes





Photo: "We are to be a good steward of our season in life.  The single person should offer his or her singleness to the Lord as an offering to be used for His glory."

- Susan Hunt

"We are to be a good steward of our season in life. The single person should offer his or her singleness to the Lord as an offering to be used for His glory."

- Susan Hunt





Photo: “It seems to me as I look back over a good many years of counseling….half the people I have talked to have been singles who were miserable and wanted to be married.  The other half were married people who were miserable and wanted to be single.  The grass always seems to be greener on the other side of the altar.”

- D. James Kennedy

I love this quote by the late pastor.  It doesn’t discount the goodness of marriage or the fact that there are many happy and successful marriages but it drives home the point that simply being married does not guarantee happiness.  I’m finding this to be true – those who look to Christ as the Source of their joy, meaning, and purpose will always be happy no matter what their marital status is.

“It seems to me as I look back over a good many years of counseling….half the people I have talked to have been singles who were miserable and wanted to be married. The other half were married people who were miserable and wanted to be single. The grass always seems to be greener on the other side of the altar.”

- D. James Kennedy

I love this quote by the late pastor. It doesn’t discount the goodness of marriage or the fact that there are many happy and successful marriages but it drives home the point that simply being married does not guarantee happiness. I’m finding this to be true – those who look to Christ as the Source of their joy, meaning, and purpose will always be happy no matter what their marital status is.




Photo: “I have talked with many single young women – some of them godly, committed believers – who have shared with me their struggle with loneliness.  I remind them that marriage is not necessarily a cure for loneliness – I have met plenty of married women who struggle with a deep sense of loneliness and isolation.  The fact is, there is no man on the face of the earth who can satisfy the deepest longings of a woman’s heart – God has made us in such a way that we can never be truly satisfied with anything or anyone less than Himself (Psalm 16:11; 34:8-10).

Whether married or single, we must recognize that it is not wrong to have unfulfilled longings – they do not make us any less spiritual.  We must learn to accept these longings, surrender them to God, and look to Him to meet the deepest needs of our hearts.”

- Nancy Leigh DeMoss, from her book “Lies Women Believe”

“I have talked with many single young women – some of them godly, committed believers – who have shared with me their struggle with loneliness. I remind them that marriage is not necessarily a cure for loneliness – I have met plenty of married women who struggle with a deep sense of loneliness and isolation. The fact is, there is no man on the face of the earth who can satisfy the deepest longings of a woman’s heart – God has made us in such a way that we can never be truly satisfied with anything or anyone less than Himself (Psalm 16:11; 34:8-10).

Whether married or single, we must recognize that it is not wrong to have unfulfilled longings – they do not make us any less spiritual. We must learn to accept these longings, surrender them to God, and look to Him to meet the deepest needs of our hearts.”

- Nancy Leigh DeMoss, from her book “Lies Women Believe”





Photo: “In Matthew 19:10-12, Jesus made it clear that not everybody is supposed to be married, although most people expect to be married and probably want to be married.  Singleness is not a curse. 

Paul states that singleness is a gift from God just as much as is marriage (1 Cor. 7:7).  I once heard the gifted Christian educator Henrietta Mears say that the only reason she wasn’t married was because the apostle Paul was dead!”

- Warren Wiersbe

“In Matthew 19:10-12, Jesus made it clear that not everybody is supposed to be married, although most people expect to be married and probably want to be married. Singleness is not a curse. 

Paul states that singleness is a gift from God just as much as is marriage (1 Cor. 7:7). I once heard the gifted Christian educator Henrietta Mears say that the only reason she wasn’t married was because the apostle Paul was dead!”

- Warren Wiersbe





Photo: “Not everyone can be trusted with suffering.  Not everyone can endure a fiery ordeal.  So the Master scrutinizes the jewels and carefully selects those which can bear the refining, the branches which can stand the knife.  It is given for some to preach, for others to work, for others to give, and for still others to suffer.

Where do you fit on that scale?  Perhaps you’re not paralyzed.  God knows that you are not the one to handle – even with all of His resources of grace – that kind of suffering.  

But He has selected you to handle that particular, unique, individual set of circumstances in your own life.  Your singleness.  Your marriage.  Your sterility.  Your prison term.  Your finances.  Your job.  Your unemployment.  Your background. 

Whatever you would call ‘suffering’ in your own life, God has allowed it.  Even purposed it.

Don’t you dare think you can’t handle it!  First Corinthians 10:13 promises that you can not only handle it, but glorify God in it.”

- Joni Eareckson Tada

“Not everyone can be trusted with suffering. Not everyone can endure a fiery ordeal. So the Master scrutinizes the jewels and carefully selects those which can bear the refining, the branches which can stand the knife. It is given for some to preach, for others to work, for others to give, and for still others to suffer.

Where do you fit on that scale? Perhaps you’re not paralyzed. God knows that you are not the one to handle – even with all of His resources of grace – that kind of suffering.

But He has selected you to handle that particular, unique, individual set of circumstances in your own life. Your singleness. Your marriage. Your sterility. Your prison term. Your finances. Your job. Your unemployment. Your background.

Whatever you would call ‘suffering’ in your own life, God has allowed it. Even purposed it.

Don’t you dare think you can’t handle it! First Corinthians 10:13 promises that you can not only handle it, but glorify God in it.”

- Joni Eareckson Tada





Photo: “Singleness is not a disease in need of a cure.  God can lead you into a time (or lifetime) of fruitful ministry as a single person.  And if you at times feel frustration over an earnest longing to be married, remember this time of being single is part of God’s good plan too.  The church, for her part, needs to do a better job reaching out to singles, not treating them like misfits or as simply married people waiting to happen.”

- Kevin DeYoung

“Singleness is not a disease in need of a cure. God can lead you into a time (or lifetime) of fruitful ministry as a single person. And if you at times feel frustration over an earnest longing to be married, remember this time of being single is part of God’s good plan too. The church, for her part, needs to do a better job reaching out to singles, not treating them like misfits or as simply married people waiting to happen.”

- Kevin DeYoung





Photo: “According to Genesis 2, God created Adam first and put him in the garden alone.  Then the Lord said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’.  This is not necessarily an indictment of Adam’s fellowship with God or proof that care for the garden was too hard for one person.  Rather, the point is that God made man to be a sharer.  God created us not to be cul-de-sacs of His bounty, but conduits.  No man is complete unless he is conducting grace (like electricity) between God and another person.  (No person who is single should conclude that this can happen only in marriage.)”

-  John Piper, from his book “Desiring God”

I love Piper!  He never forgets about the singles.  And he's so right here.  Marriage is only one relationship in which we can be a "conduit of grace".  The church is the arena in which we can live out this purpose, even as singles.  It's one of the reasons why God created the church.

“According to Genesis 2, God created Adam first and put him in the garden alone. Then the Lord said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’. This is not necessarily an indictment of Adam’s fellowship with God or proof that care for the garden was too hard for one person. Rather, the point is that God made man to be a sharer. God created us not to be cul-de-sacs of His bounty, but conduits. No man is complete unless he is conducting grace (like electricity) between God and another person. (No person who is single should conclude that this can happen only in marriage.)”

- John Piper, from his book “Desiring God”

I love Piper! He never forgets about the singles. And he's so right here. Marriage is only one relationship in which we can be a "conduit of grace". The church is the arena in which we can live out this purpose, even as singles. It's one of the reasons why God created the church.





Photo: “We must also recognize that our significance and fulfillment in life is not to be determined by whether or not we have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  You will know of sad stories involving friends who rushed into relationships driven by fear of what others would say about them if they were not ‘dating’ or ‘involved’.  Settle the matter right now.  There is no good thing which the Lord will withhold from those whose walk is blameless.  There is no need for panic.  It is He who makes everything beautiful in His time.  To be unattached to someone of the opposite sex may be God’s best for you know and perhaps always.”

- Alistair Begg

“We must also recognize that our significance and fulfillment in life is not to be determined by whether or not we have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. You will know of sad stories involving friends who rushed into relationships driven by fear of what others would say about them if they were not ‘dating’ or ‘involved’. Settle the matter right now. There is no good thing which the Lord will withhold from those whose walk is blameless. There is no need for panic. It is He who makes everything beautiful in His time. To be unattached to someone of the opposite sex may be God’s best for you now and perhaps always.”

- Alistair Begg







“A female member of my congregation sat before me, single, frustrated, lonely, and teary-eyed. She saw in her future nothing more than protracted emptiness. It was not long before I realized that her idea of a happy future centered on marriage.

After listening to her reasons for feeling that she should marry soon, I asked, ‘Exactly what type of man are you looking for?’

Without hesitation she exclaimed, ‘A total man.’

‘Just what is a total man?’ I asked. ‘How would you describe the man you are seeking for a life mate?’

Thirty minutes later she had completed her description – of a breed of a man that does not exist except in some women’s imaginations.”

- Charles Stanley, from his book “Man of God”





Photo: “It is not too strong to say that we have made an idol of marriage.  Singles are often asked, ‘Well, why aren’t you married?’ with the clear implication that there just might be something wrong with them and their singleness.  We must stand against this insistence that marriage, with its sexual pleasures along with parental responsibilities, is best for everyone.  We must realize that God Himself might have a calling for those who are single, either by necessity or by choice.  We must celebrate singleness.”

- Erwin Lutzer

“It is not too strong to say that we have made an idol of marriage. Singles are often asked, ‘Well, why aren’t you married?’ with the clear implication that there just might be something wrong with them and their singleness. We must stand against this insistence that marriage, with its sexual pleasures along with parental responsibilities, is best for everyone. We must realize that God Himself might have a calling for those who are single, either by necessity or by choice. We must celebrate singleness.”

- Erwin Lutzer




Photo: “Certainly there are many exemplars who didn’t get married and the reason was that they wanted to devote themselves to Christ and the kingdom and not be encumbered.  The Apostle Paul who wrote two-thirds of the New Testament Epistles is a classic case in point.  The Lord Jesus Christ Himself was not married…………The standard, if you will, in general would be marriage.  We were made for that union.  But I don’t think all Christians must be married.  Certainly Christians can find companionship in a sanctified sense, in deep friendships with both males and females, outside of marriage.”  

- Hank Hanegraaff, radio’s “Bible Answer Man”

I find this quote encouraging because even though I didn’t choose singleness it’s comforting to know that God does not see it as valueless, pointless, or lonely.  It may not have been my objective but in Christ it has purpose and promise.

“Certainly there are many exemplars who didn’t get married and the reason was that they wanted to devote themselves to Christ and the kingdom and not be encumbered. The Apostle Paul who wrote two-thirds of the New Testament Epistles is a classic case in point. The Lord Jesus Christ Himself was not married…………The standard, if you will, in general would be marriage. We were made for that union. But I don’t think all Christians must be married. Certainly Christians can find companionship in a sanctified sense, in deep friendships with both males and females, outside of marriage.”

- Hank Hanegraaff, radio’s “Bible Answer Man”

I find this quote encouraging because even though I didn’t choose singleness it’s comforting to know that God does not see it as valueless, pointless, or lonely. It may not have been my objective but in Christ it has purpose and promise.




Photo: “Some of the greatest people who ever served God were single.  Rejoice in all the gifts God has given you, including your singleness.

Seeking marriage is not wrong, but don’t let that search dominate your life.  We must not make finding a marriage partner the supreme goal of our lives by putting all our energies into searching for a mate.  Learn contentment, for it is great gain.”

- David Jeremiah, from his book “Sanctuary:  Finding Moments of Refuge in the Presence of God”

“Some of the greatest people who ever served God were single. Rejoice in all the gifts God has given you, including your singleness.

Seeking marriage is not wrong, but don’t let that search dominate your life. We must not make finding a marriage partner the supreme goal of our lives by putting all our energies into searching for a mate. Learn contentment, for it is great gain.”

- David Jeremiah, from his book “Sanctuary: Finding Moments of Refuge in the Presence of God”




Photo: This is a quote from a Catholic singles website.  I'm not espousing Catholic doctrine, but I cannot deny the truthfulness of this statement.

"...brothers and sisters, the answer to the loneliness, depression, and discouragement of the single life is not in finding a spouse - it is in finding Christ. If you have yet to receive His love and free gift of eternal life, you must choose to do so. Having believed that, we can then draw on the spring of living water that Jeremiah described to satisfy our deepest needs. We can ask God for the strength to endure times of difficulty in loneliness or temptation for meager relationships. Sadly, many Christians have dug the cistern of marriage instead-longing for a spouse to satisfy the needs that only God Himself can provide. Whether married or single, we dig our own cisterns when we rely on anyone other than God to satisfy our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. I'm sure many of us can relate to times when we engaged ourselves in bad relationships because of haste or loneliness.

Sooner or later, our own cisterns will break. The single person who has been waiting for a GG (aka God's gift, life partner) to take away their feelings of sorrow and emptiness may never find one. The married person who has been longing for their spouse to satisfy their deepest needs and desires will inevitably discover that their spouse cannot do so. The path of disillusionment, discouragement, temptation, and sin is laid out for all those who seek to dig their own cistern. Though my parents may have been right in expressing this perception of my need for a wife, God has revealed a greater need for our lives. The greatest need of a single person is not marriage. Our greatest need, whether married or single, is to know God and to grow in his grace(2 Peter 3:17)."

This is a quote from a Catholic singles website. I'm not espousing Catholic doctrine, but I cannot deny the truthfulness of this statement.

"...brothers and sisters, the answer to the loneliness, depression, and discouragement of the single life is not in finding a spouse - it is in finding Christ. If you have yet to receive His love and free gift of eternal life, you must choose to do so. Having believed that, we can then draw on the spring of living water that Jeremiah described to satisfy our deepest needs. We can ask God for the strength to endure times of difficulty in loneliness or temptation for meager relationships. Sadly, many Christians have dug the cistern of marriage instead-longing for a spouse to satisfy the needs that only God Himself can provide. Whether married or single, we dig our own cisterns when we rely on anyone other than God to satisfy our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. I'm sure many of us can relate to times when we engaged ourselves in bad relationships because of haste or loneliness.

Sooner or later, our own cisterns will break. The single person who has been waiting for a GG (aka God's gift, life partner) to take away their feelings of sorrow and emptiness may never find one. The married person who has been longing for their spouse to satisfy their deepest needs and desires will inevitably discover that their spouse cannot do so. The path of disillusionment, discouragement, temptation, and sin is laid out for all those who seek to dig their own cistern. Though my parents may have been right in expressing this perception of my need for a wife, God has revealed a greater need for our lives. The greatest need of a single person is not marriage. Our greatest need, whether married or single, is to know God and to grow in his grace(2 Peter 3:17)."




Photo: "If you go into marriage expecting your spouse to meet all your needs, you are destined for disappointment. Only Jesus can do that. Patiently and fervently pray before considering marriage, because it's better to wish you were married than to wish you weren't."

- Adrian Rogers

"If you go into marriage expecting your spouse to meet all your needs, you are destined for disappointment. Only Jesus can do that. Patiently and fervently pray before considering marriage, because it's better to wish you were married than to wish you weren't."

- Adrian Rogers





Photo: "Matthew 19:11–12 discusses those who are not able to marry or have children for one reason or another. Sadly, many would consider this to be a disadvantage, but the Bible paints a different picture, noting that “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given”. Since “all things work together for good to those who love God,” they are called to a high (His) purpose (Romans 8:28). And it has been given to those individuals the strength and privilege to be thus used by God (1 Corinthians 10:13). Not that it is always an easy path: Paul’s path was beset with illness, discomfort (to say the least), disaster, contention, imprisonment, and finally death. Yet the Lord always sustained him, and Paul, in fact, felt honored to be persecuted for the sake of Christ (Colossians 1:24). Now, that’s God-given strength!

So, with God there are two good paths. If you are gifted with singleness, you can serve Him wholeheartedly while not having to worry about neglecting a family. Or you can get married and raise children in the Lord if He provides children to you. If He does not give you children then you are freer than those with children to serve. If your spouse is a believer, you may have a unique opportunity to serve synergistically as a team. God both sets the path and then allows provision to the individual for that path. Who can say that His plan, whether or not it includes a spouse or children, is not perfect?"

- Frost Smith from Answers in Genesis

"Matthew 19:11–12 discusses those who are not able to marry or have children for one reason or another. Sadly, many would consider this to be a disadvantage, but the Bible paints a different picture, noting that “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given”. Since “all things work together for good to those who love God,” they are called to a high (His) purpose (Romans 8:28). And it has been given to those individuals the strength and privilege to be thus used by God (1 Corinthians 10:13). Not that it is always an easy path: Paul’s path was beset with illness, discomfort (to say the least), disaster, contention, imprisonment, and finally death. Yet the Lord always sustained him, and Paul, in fact, felt honored to be persecuted for the sake of Christ (Colossians 1:24). Now, that’s God-given strength!

So, with God there are two good paths. If you are gifted with singleness, you can serve Him wholeheartedly while not having to worry about neglecting a family. Or you can get married and raise children in the Lord if He provides children to you. If He does not give you children then you are freer than those with children to serve. If your spouse is a believer, you may have a unique opportunity to serve synergistically as a team. God both sets the path and then allows provision to the individual for that path. Who can say that His plan, whether or not it includes a spouse or children, is not perfect?"

- Frost Smith from Answers in Genesis




Photo: “This longing of sexual fulfillment is a God-planted desire in us.  And with fleeting time it becomes a fleeting hope.  The unrequited God-given longing for this kind of relationship is, I believe, and I say this carefully, one of the most difficult crosses to bear.  This is not the Calvary you want.  You find yourself asking God if there is any way to be spared from the ache of this longing and to receive the companionship you see so many others enjoying.

Of course, marriage goes beyond the consummate relationship of the physical side; it means caring, cherishing, and loving.  This should be what you are ultimately craving.  To that person I say, as painful and perhaps flippant as it may sound, just as others who face other unmet desires, you have to learn to receive the strength from the Lord to crucify that desire and make Jesus Christ the focus of your desire to be cared for, cherished, and loved – because only he can ultimately meet this desire, even if you are married.”

-  Ravi Zacharias, from his book “Has Christianity Failed You?”

“This longing of sexual fulfillment is a God-planted desire in us. And with fleeting time it becomes a fleeting hope. The unrequited God-given longing for this kind of relationship is, I believe, and I say this carefully, one of the most difficult crosses to bear. This is not the Calvary you want. You find yourself asking God if there is any way to be spared from the ache of this longing and to receive the companionship you see so many others enjoying.

Of course, marriage goes beyond the consummate relationship of the physical side; it means caring, cherishing, and loving. This should be what you are ultimately craving. To that person I say, as painful and perhaps flippant as it may sound, just as others who face other unmet desires, you have to learn to receive the strength from the Lord to crucify that desire and make Jesus Christ the focus of your desire to be cared for, cherished, and loved – because only he can ultimately meet this desire, even if you are married.”

- Ravi Zacharias, from his book “Has Christianity Failed You?”




Photo: “Both being married and not being married are good conditions to be in.  We should be neither overly elated by getting married nor overly disappointed by not being so – because Christ is the only spouse that can truly fulfill us and God’s family the only family that will truly embrace and satisfy us.”

- Tim Keller, from his book “The Meaning of Marriage”

“Both being married and not being married are good conditions to be in. We should be neither overly elated by getting married nor overly disappointed by not being so – because Christ is the only spouse that can truly fulfill us and God’s family the only family that will truly embrace and satisfy us.”

- Tim Keller, from his book “The Meaning of Marriage”




Photo: "I remember my single days well. Looking back on them they were good times. Being married has been great also, but I do feel that we need to learn to appreciate whatever stage of life we are in, and to realise that for some people marriage is not the state they will be most complete in. We can be single and complete, or rather some of us can."

- Adrian Warnock

"I remember my single days well. Looking back on them they were good times. Being married has been great also, but I do feel that we need to learn to appreciate whatever stage of life we are in, and to realise that for some people marriage is not the state they will be most complete in. We can be single and complete, or rather some of us can."

- Adrian Warnock





Photo: “There are young people and not so young people in this church who are desperate to find a partner. Maybe…maybe you are so desperate that you are ready to compromise for it. I want those of you who are married in this church to pray for our single folk. It's not easy to be single when God hasn't given you the gift of singleness…when God hasn't given you that peace that passes all understanding about that condition. We've got some wonderful folk in this church who have been given that very peace, and their ministry to us is extraordinary. They can do things that married people could never do. They can give of their time and energy that married people could never do. Thank God for them. But we've got others who long every day for a partner, and the partner never comes.

I'm saying to you, single folk,……Trust Him with this issue. ‘I've been trusting him,’ you’re saying. I hear you. Don't stop trusting him. Keep on trusting Him. Keep on taking this issue to the Lord. ‘Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.’”

- Derek Thomas

“There are young people and not so young people in this church who are desperate to find a partner. Maybe…maybe you are so desperate that you are ready to compromise for it. I want those of you who are married in this church to pray for our single folk. It's not easy to be single when God hasn't given you the gift of singleness…when God hasn't given you that peace that passes all understanding about that condition. We've got some wonderful folk in this church who have been given that very peace, and their ministry to us is extraordinary. They can do things that married people could never do. They can give of their time and energy that married people could never do. Thank God for them. But we've got others who long every day for a partner, and the partner never comes.

I'm saying to you, single folk,……Trust Him with this issue. ‘I've been trusting him,’ you’re saying. I hear you. Don't stop trusting him. Keep on trusting Him. Keep on taking this issue to the Lord. ‘Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.’”

- Derek Thomas




Photo: WARNING:  This is a tough post today.  It won’t leave you with warm and fuzzy feelings in your single state but it was something I needed to hear and possibly you need to hear it, too.  It’s from Dannah Gresh, a Christian author and speaker.  She pulls no punches here and it’s hard to read, but I can’t deny the truthfulness of it.  In the end, God’s truth helps you get through the really hard areas of life (like unwanted, prolonged singleness), when sweet-sounding platitudes do not.  Blessings, single sisters!  You are loved by God!

“From the time you were little, you have been told what you can expect, what you deserve, what God owes you. These promises are more American than Biblical. As westerners, we have been conditioned with a microwave mentality that tells us every hunger will be immediately fed, all discomfort will be lavishly eliminated and that we are the center of our own universe. The message is that you are not supposed to ever be uncomfortable, or have a longing that is not met. Christians spiritualize this western thinking with “name it and claim it” pieces of Scripture like:

“God works all things for the good…”
“If you ask anything in my name, you will receive it.”
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

But we don’t hang plaques or laminate index cards with this promise from Jesus:
“In this world you will have tribulation.”

We have to embrace the whole context of what the Bible says, including the many passages that remind us that hardship, sickness, rejection and even persecution are part of the Christian life. 

Otherwise, we end up embracing false promises.

It’s about time someone told you the truth – a truth that you intuitively know, but perhaps have been hesitant to accept: Life is hard; not every longing you have on earth will be fulfilled.

I’ll bet you’ve never heard a sermon on what God does not promise. This is unfortunate, because it is quite dangerous to place your trust in things you falsely assume God has promised. Basing your belief system on false promises places you at risk of doubting God’s character.

Have you ever put money into a vending machine and been denied your snack or soda? In that moment of frustration did you shake the machine to get your dangling chips to drop, or stick your hand up the opening to try to pry out the candy bar?

Often, we can treat God this way. It’s easy to fall into this trap because he has set forth principles of wisdom and morality that are supposed to make life go better. And a lot of times they do. The woman who works diligently on her marriage often falls more deeply in love with her man. The young woman who devotes herself to God and holiness often is rewarded with a godly husband. 

But not always.

What if God says no? What if He doesn’t bring the husband, or the miracle, or the money or the healing? Will you still love and worship Him or will you feverishly demand what you expected? Do you serve God because of the gifts He gives or do you love Him simply because He loves you? The blogger who slipped off her purity ring rightly came to the conclusion that “a lot of [single] girls were sold on a deal, not a Savior.”

When you incorrectly believe that God has promised you something and you don’t receive it, it’s natural to conclude that he’s failed you. This makes you doubt His goodness, His faithfulness and His plan for you in all things. Jesus said that He came that we might have life and to have it abundantly. His promises are great, and He is trustworthy in fulfilling each one. However, His ways are not our ways, and He has not promised some of the things you may have assumed He has.

God never promised to bring Prince Charming.

Don’t confuse God with Walt Disney. Not every good, little girl will have a dashing man waiting to rescue her to ride off into the sunset. Are there some beautiful, God-ordained marriages? Absolutely! But remember that those represent the gracious hand of God. Marriage is to be honored by all as a gift – not an entitlement.  I know this may sound like lame comfort if you are waiting, longing and praying that God will bring a man. But accepting that this desire may not be met will free you from the bondage of holding God to promises that He has never made.  Yes, God created you with deep longings to be loved by a man. It is a wonderful thing to pray for and even hope for – but not something to place your hope upon. Your longing to be rescued by the white knight actually transcends the desire for a husband. It is meant to reflect your heart’s deep yearning to be saved by the ultimate Bridegroom.

Have you ever realized that God’s Word promises that Jesus will come on a white horse to rescue His bride (Revelation 19:7-11), He is preparing a mansion for her (John 14:3) and will one day wipe away every tear (Revelation 21:4)? These words were written thousands of years before fairy tales. The Cinderella story is just a shadow of a much, greater spiritual longing. When marriage is healthy and men are truly honorable and chivalrous, this is a celebration of the ultimate Prince.

God never promised that you wouldn’t be lonely.

There are a lot of lonely people in the Bible. Joseph was lonely in prison, David was lonely much of his life, Esther was all by herself in a king’s haram, and even the apostle Paul felt alone at the end of his life.  The lonely character that haunts me the most is one that you may not have ever heard of. Her name is Tamar and she was David’s daughter. This royal princess seemed to have everything until her half-brother, Amnon, raped her. Amnon violated Tamar because he was “desperately in love with her.” He HAD to have her. He obsessed about her night and day until he literally felt sick. Once he had sex with Tamar, his love immediately turned to hatred. The Bible says that Amnon “hated her more intensely than he had loved her.”

Tamar begged Amnon to marry her and take away her disgrace, but he kicked her out and completely rejected her. Her tragic story continued as her brother Absalom avenged Tamar by killing Amnon. Tamar was a victim – a victim of sexual abuse, incest and rejection. In Biblical times, she was disgraced and would never marry, even though she had done nothing wrong. Her fate? “She lived a desolate woman in Absalom’s house.” (2 Samuel 13:20).

There are many women like Tamar in the world. Maybe you are one of them. While God never promises that we wouldn’t be lonely, He did promise that you never have to be alone. When you long to have what God has not given, He reminds you, “Be content with what you have. I will never leave you and never forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:4-5). Run to him, not Don’t run to the false promise of erotica or shallow sexual relationships. The Lord sees your loneliness and promises to meet you with His own presence.

God’s Word continually tells us that earth is not heaven and that it will take faith and perseverance to live this life well. The whole earth is “groaning” with you, longing for things to be made right. So, what do you do with the disappointment? The loneliness? The mundane of your marriage or sex life? Your personal groaning?

If you are alone or discouraged or desperately longing for intimacy, you will seek comfort somewhere. You will place your faith and hope in something or someone. You have a choice: to follow the pattern the world prescribes or to follow the will of God. You will find your hope and comfort either in the world’s answers or in God. Here’s what the Bible says about your choice:
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever (I John 2:17).”

- Dannah Gresh

WARNING: This is a tough post. It won’t leave you with warm and fuzzy feelings in your single state but it was something I needed to hear and possibly you need to hear it, too. It’s from Dannah Gresh, a Christian author and speaker. She pulls no punches here and it’s hard to read, but I can’t deny the truthfulness of it. In the end, God’s truth helps you get through the really hard areas of life (like unwanted, prolonged singleness), when sweet-sounding platitudes do not. Blessings, single sisters! You are loved by God!

“From the time you were little, you have been told what you can expect, what you deserve, what God owes you. These promises are more American than Biblical. As westerners, we have been conditioned with a microwave mentality that tells us every hunger will be immediately fed, all discomfort will be lavishly eliminated and that we are the center of our own universe. The message is that you are not supposed to ever be uncomfortable, or have a longing that is not met. Christians spiritualize this western thinking with “name it and claim it” pieces of Scripture like:

“God works all things for the good…”
“If you ask anything in my name, you will receive it.”
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

But we don’t hang plaques or laminate index cards with this promise from Jesus:
“In this world you will have tribulation.”

We have to embrace the whole context of what the Bible says, including the many passages that remind us that hardship, sickness, rejection and even persecution are part of the Christian life.

Otherwise, we end up embracing false promises.

It’s about time someone told you the truth – a truth that you intuitively know, but perhaps have been hesitant to accept: Life is hard; not every longing you have on earth will be fulfilled.

I’ll bet you’ve never heard a sermon on what God does not promise. This is unfortunate, because it is quite dangerous to place your trust in things you falsely assume God has promised. Basing your belief system on false promises places you at risk of doubting God’s character.

Have you ever put money into a vending machine and been denied your snack or soda? In that moment of frustration did you shake the machine to get your dangling chips to drop, or stick your hand up the opening to try to pry out the candy bar?

Often, we can treat God this way. It’s easy to fall into this trap because he has set forth principles of wisdom and morality that are supposed to make life go better. And a lot of times they do. The woman who works diligently on her marriage often falls more deeply in love with her man. The young woman who devotes herself to God and holiness often is rewarded with a godly husband.

But not always.

What if God says no? What if He doesn’t bring the husband, or the miracle, or the money or the healing? Will you still love and worship Him or will you feverishly demand what you expected? Do you serve God because of the gifts He gives or do you love Him simply because He loves you? The blogger who slipped off her purity ring rightly came to the conclusion that “a lot of [single] girls were sold on a deal, not a Savior.”

When you incorrectly believe that God has promised you something and you don’t receive it, it’s natural to conclude that he’s failed you. This makes you doubt His goodness, His faithfulness and His plan for you in all things. Jesus said that He came that we might have life and to have it abundantly. His promises are great, and He is trustworthy in fulfilling each one. However, His ways are not our ways, and He has not promised some of the things you may have assumed He has.

God never promised to bring Prince Charming.

Don’t confuse God with Walt Disney. Not every good, little girl will have a dashing man waiting to rescue her to ride off into the sunset. Are there some beautiful, God-ordained marriages? Absolutely! But remember that those represent the gracious hand of God. Marriage is to be honored by all as a gift – not an entitlement. I know this may sound like lame comfort if you are waiting, longing and praying that God will bring a man. But accepting that this desire may not be met will free you from the bondage of holding God to promises that He has never made. Yes, God created you with deep longings to be loved by a man. It is a wonderful thing to pray for and even hope for – but not something to place your hope upon. Your longing to be rescued by the white knight actually transcends the desire for a husband. It is meant to reflect your heart’s deep yearning to be saved by the ultimate Bridegroom.

Have you ever realized that God’s Word promises that Jesus will come on a white horse to rescue His bride (Revelation 19:7-11), He is preparing a mansion for her (John 14:3) and will one day wipe away every tear (Revelation 21:4)? These words were written thousands of years before fairy tales. The Cinderella story is just a shadow of a much, greater spiritual longing. When marriage is healthy and men are truly honorable and chivalrous, this is a celebration of the ultimate Prince.

God never promised that you wouldn’t be lonely.

There are a lot of lonely people in the Bible. Joseph was lonely in prison, David was lonely much of his life, Esther was all by herself in a king’s haram, and even the apostle Paul felt alone at the end of his life. The lonely character that haunts me the most is one that you may not have ever heard of. Her name is Tamar and she was David’s daughter. This royal princess seemed to have everything until her half-brother, Amnon, raped her. Amnon violated Tamar because he was “desperately in love with her.” He HAD to have her. He obsessed about her night and day until he literally felt sick. Once he had sex with Tamar, his love immediately turned to hatred. The Bible says that Amnon “hated her more intensely than he had loved her.”

Tamar begged Amnon to marry her and take away her disgrace, but he kicked her out and completely rejected her. Her tragic story continued as her brother Absalom avenged Tamar by killing Amnon. Tamar was a victim – a victim of sexual abuse, incest and rejection. In Biblical times, she was disgraced and would never marry, even though she had done nothing wrong. Her fate? “She lived a desolate woman in Absalom’s house.” (2 Samuel 13:20).

There are many women like Tamar in the world. Maybe you are one of them. While God never promises that we wouldn’t be lonely, He did promise that you never have to be alone. When you long to have what God has not given, He reminds you, “Be content with what you have. I will never leave you and never forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:4-5). Run to him, not Don’t run to the false promise of erotica or shallow sexual relationships. The Lord sees your loneliness and promises to meet you with His own presence.

God’s Word continually tells us that earth is not heaven and that it will take faith and perseverance to live this life well. The whole earth is “groaning” with you, longing for things to be made right. So, what do you do with the disappointment? The loneliness? The mundane of your marriage or sex life? Your personal groaning?

If you are alone or discouraged or desperately longing for intimacy, you will seek comfort somewhere. You will place your faith and hope in something or someone. You have a choice: to follow the pattern the world prescribes or to follow the will of God. You will find your hope and comfort either in the world’s answers or in God. Here’s what the Bible says about your choice:
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever (I John 2:17).”

- Dannah Gresh




Photo: "...as it's stated in Scripture, it's not God's purpose and plan necessarily that every single person get married. There is absolutely a meaningful life of singleness and purposeness that can happen in people's lives. I think the key is for us all, whether single, dating, engaged or married, that we keep our focus and our attention on the person of Jesus. We keep letting Jesus do in our lives and in our hearts the things that only He can do. Then, in our singleness or marriedness or whatever state we're in, that we're content, we're being made new day by day, and then God can use us in the world in the lives of those around us."

- Louie Giglio

"...as it's stated in Scripture, it's not God's purpose and plan necessarily that every single person get married. There is absolutely a meaningful life of singleness and purposeness that can happen in people's lives. I think the key is for us all, whether single, dating, engaged or married, that we keep our focus and our attention on the person of Jesus. We keep letting Jesus do in our lives and in our hearts the things that only He can do. Then, in our singleness or marriedness or whatever state we're in, that we're content, we're being made new day by day, and then God can use us in the world in the lives of those around us."

- Louie Giglio




Photo: “The search for Mr. Right or Miss Right is not a search for someone like you; it is a search for someone who wants to be like Christ.”

- Stephen Davey

“The search for Mr. Right or Miss Right is not a search for someone like you; it is a search for someone who wants to be like Christ.”

- Stephen Davey




Photo: “…the experience of singleness should not be reduced to a time of preparation for marriage.  It should rather be seen as a platform of great opportunity for the advancement of the kingdom of God.  If singleness is a stage of life, it ought to be viewed as preparatory for whatever comes next in the sovereign will of God – whether marriage or continued singleness.  And far from waiting for marriage to get on with life, single Christians should maximize the potential of their state for growing in their devotion to God and serving him for so long as they are single. “ 

- J. Robin Maxson, retired senior pastor, from his book “I Do or Do I?”

“…the experience of singleness should not be reduced to a time of preparation for marriage. It should rather be seen as a platform of great opportunity for the advancement of the kingdom of God. If singleness is a stage of life, it ought to be viewed as preparatory for whatever comes next in the sovereign will of God – whether marriage or continued singleness. And far from waiting for marriage to get on with life, single Christians should maximize the potential of their state for growing in their devotion to God and serving him for so long as they are single. “

- J. Robin Maxson, retired senior pastor, from his book “I Do or Do I?”




Photo: "With all the confusion about what marriage is for, it's possible that unanswered prayers for spouses have more to do with unrealistic expectations than God's power to supply mates. ... Asking God to help you find a mate is asking Him to take you from a place of single focus to one that will require selflessness. Far from being the answer to all your dreams and fantasies, marriage will be a crucible for making you more like Christ"

- Candice Watters, from her book "Get Married"

"With all the confusion about what marriage is for, it's possible that unanswered prayers for spouses have more to do with unrealistic expectations than God's power to supply mates. ... Asking God to help you find a mate is asking Him to take you from a place of single focus to one that will require selflessness. Far from being the answer to all your dreams and fantasies, marriage will be a crucible for making you more like Christ"

- Candice Watters, from her book "Get Married"




Photo: "God allows singleness because this life is not about you but about His Kingdom and His purposes being accomplished." 

- Jeff Cherry, College pastor in Tacoma, WA
"God allows singleness because this life is not about you but about His Kingdom and His purposes being accomplished." 

- Jeff Cherry, College pastor in Tacoma, WA





Photo: “In front of a very large group, I asked all the married women to stand up.  Then I said, ‘I want you to sit down if you disagree with me that a man’s godliness should be one of the top two things a single woman should consider when choosing a mate.’

Not one wife – not one – sat down.  Every married woman was telling every single woman:  find a man with solid character who is growing in the Lord and pursuing godliness.  That’s what those women value most as wives.  Yet many single women merely pay lip service to character:  ‘Well, yeah, character and godliness are important, but I think my boyfriend loves God….in his own way.’

Too many single women overlook some serious character flaws or maybe even an absence of faith.  Because their feelings are so strong, they just can’t believe this isn’t a match made in heaven.  Rather than honestly explore whether this man is worthy of their trust and worthy to become their kids’ father, they spend their energy trying to explain away his apparent flaws and to make his spiritual maturity seem acceptable to friends and family members.”

- Gary Thomas, from his book “The Sacred Search”

“In front of a very large group, I asked all the married women to stand up. Then I said, ‘I want you to sit down if you disagree with me that a man’s godliness should be one of the top two things a single woman should consider when choosing a mate.’

Not one wife – not one – sat down. Every married woman was telling every single woman: find a man with solid character who is growing in the Lord and pursuing godliness. That’s what those women value most as wives. Yet many single women merely pay lip service to character: ‘Well, yeah, character and godliness are important, but I think my boyfriend loves God….in his own way.’

Too many single women overlook some serious character flaws or maybe even an absence of faith. Because their feelings are so strong, they just can’t believe this isn’t a match made in heaven. Rather than honestly explore whether this man is worthy of their trust and worthy to become their kids’ father, they spend their energy trying to explain away his apparent flaws and to make his spiritual maturity seem acceptable to friends and family members.”

- Gary Thomas, from his book “The Sacred Search”





Photo: Psalm 68:6 says, “God places the lonely in families...”  Maybe God has not given you the earthly family you envisioned you would have at this point in your life but if you are a child of God He has placed you in His family.  The church is the family of God.  It isn't perfect (not yet, anyway) but it is a family where you can know and be known.......maybe even more so than in an earthly family because of the Holy Spirit you share among your brothers and sisters in Christ.  Take heart, single Christian!

Psalm 68:6 says, “God places the lonely in families...” Maybe God has not given you the earthly family you envisioned you would have at this point in your life but if you are a child of God He has placed you in His family. The church is the family of God. It isn't perfect (not yet, anyway) but it is a family where you can know and be known.......maybe even more so than in an earthly family because of the Holy Spirit you share among your brothers and sisters in Christ. Take heart, single Christian!




Photo: “There are lessons in life – the unwasted life…….there are lessons in lifelong singleness that will probably be learned no other way.”

- John Piper, from his book “Don’t Waste Your Life”

“There are lessons in life – the unwasted life…….there are lessons in lifelong singleness that will probably be learned no other way.”

- John Piper, from his book “Don’t Waste Your Life”