“Nobody knows
the trouble I’ve seen
Nobody knows my sorrow…..”
As a long-time single, this has often been my
mantra. I never intended to be single at
this age and there are times when I find it very difficult and frustrating. And sometimes I want everyone around me to
know just how difficult and frustrating it is.
I complain to anyone within earshot.
You fellow singles know the challenges all too well – the sexual desires
that have nowhere to land (without resulting in sin), the loneliness, the lack
of direction, goals, and structure in your life, feeling like an oddball, fear
of an even more dismal future, jealousy of others who are married, lack of
identity……..oh no, I’m doing it again……..
One of the biggest benefits of being a member of the
church – and evidence of God’s sheer brilliance in creating the church – is that
in meeting and greeting each other regularly, worshipping God together, praying
for each other, encouraging and admonishing each other, we come to know what is
going on in each other’s lives. The
church is made up of saved sinners who are in a variety of life stages. Some are retired empty-nesters while some are
still in school; others are married with small children while some have a
household full of teenagers; several are divorced while a few are widowed. As I watch each of them face the difficulties
inherent in those varied situations, it’s as if the Holy Spirit is whispering
in my ear,
“Janice, you’re not
the only one with problems.”
The Bible is clear that not only does God allow trials
and tribulations into the life of Christians, but He uses them to mature,
discipline, and sanctify us (James 1:2-4, Romans 5:3-5, Hebrews 12:7-11). They are an integral part of our Christian
walk, so no believer is spared from difficulty.
Even those who have reached the Blessed Land of Marriage are not immune
to problems, frustrations, and trials – in fact, marriage seems to amplify some
problems. I don’t mean to discourage
anyone from desiring marriage as a single, but it helps us to know that
marriage, as wonderful and godly as it is, does not ensure a life that is
problem-free or elevate you to some higher plane of blissful happiness (Admit
it: We singles often think it will.
Human nature.)
There are difficult marriages, even in the church. Probably one of the hardest of marriages is that
between a Christian and an unbeliever. There’s
a reason God commands us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2
Corinthians 6:14). The results are often
heartbreaking. Many find themselves in
this situation not due to disobedience to the command but simply because they
were unsaved when they married and then later were called by God but their
spouses were not. Marriage is difficult
enough even under ideal circumstances but it can be especially trying when you
and your spouse do not even agree on the biblical purpose of marriage, what
makes a marriage good, how the children should be raised, or that God should be
a part of major decision-making. Yet the
Lord does not give Christians a free pass to divorce when they are in such a
marriage (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). I know
several godly women who are living out 1 Peter 3:1-6 and I don’t envy
them. I pray for them.
In the godliest of marriages, where both spouses are
believers, internal pressures like debilitating illnesses, difficult in-laws,
and financial hardships can bring much turmoil.
And even if you take all those troubles away…..if you’re tempted to
think that the attractive young couple with the adorable little toddlers in the
pew in front of you is living a Norman Rockwell-like existence……the external
pressures of living in a sinful, God-hating, marriage-dishonoring society can
take its toll. It’s not just single
people who have to protect themselves from sexual immorality and materialism,
for instance. These unholy influences
affect marriages, too.
Don’t get me wrong.
Marriage is a good, godly goal.
But don’t let Satan pull an Eve on you and make you think God is burdening
you with problems by not giving you what you want.
He may be sparing you from some.
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